Day 33

After full day of travelling without food it was comforting to wake up in a beautiful place where breakfast is provided. This homestay is truly my favorite lodge among all I saw. Breakfast was nice and I tried to stuff myself, but somehow wasn't able as much as I would expect after day of starvation. Later I had to manage formalities and payment, but it somehow felt cozy, because I was happy to see the lady of the house, drink tea and tell a little about my trip and the wedding. I thought that I wish my future wife could be as adorable old woman when she'll get old.

This day truly felt like one big blur, it passed so quickly, but leisurely. I feel like I didn't really do much, just stroll around Fort Kochi and Mattancherry. I found comfort in lack of hurry and warmth in literal heat of Kochi, toned down by nice breeze. It wasn't as lively as when I was there for the first time. Back then it was festive season of coming Christmas and New Year, but now it was definitely out of season. I felt it's fitting for my mood, more nostalgic and melancholic. Somewhere along the way I informed my friends about situation with Nicha, asking them not to comment, I didn't want any advices, speculations and especially I didn't want pity, because as I said to them, I pitied myself enough already.

Except revisiting familiar places I went to few I didn't see before. Lady from homestay suggested Kashi Art Café. It was nice, quite hippy place with displays of modern art. I couldn't help, but be amused when I saw that some girls came there to do photoshoots in front of toilet's door. To be fair though, it was beautiful, as everything here. Café was full of greenery and it was partially open air. From more historical places I missed last time somehow was Mattancherry Palace so I went to see it. I remembered words of guide from Fort Kochi, she said that local rajas were humble in comparison to many other Indian rajas with their outlandish palaces. I liked wall paintings, which were so crowded that it was hard to discern what's going on them without description. But I liked the most displays of female royal clothes, especially particular mundu set.

I didn't want to make shopping for gifts today yet. I was too tired after travel of previous day. I simply wanted to enjoy my day lazily, but it meant that looking around bookstores was allowed, because books don't drain me at all, quite the opposite. I started to think which books I would want to buy, but there were so many that I wanted. I knew that decision won't be easy so I decided that I'll buy only tomorrow, giving myself time to think and sleep it over. One particular bookstore caught my attention, because it had on one hand the same new books that I saw in bookstores for tourists, but also less typical books. I taken note of it to return here the next day.

There was one situation that cast a shadow to otherwise incredibly pleasant day. When I was going from the last bookstore i met one old guy who was working at some souvenir shop. He called me and started to chat. He wanted to get me to the shop to show me something. I didn't want to buy anything, but he claimed that it's not even his shop, that he's from Kashmir and just works here. So I went inside and he shown me pictures of Kashmir, trying to encourage me to visit Kashmir someday. He said that he hosted many tourists at his place, showing me photo of himself with some German lady with mountains in the background. His friendliness at first didn't feel out of place, but at some point I felt that something is off. He wanted to meet me again next day or even this night. I just wanted to leave, but I felt the safest option would be to give him my number and promise that I will come for sure. He hugged and lightly kissed side of my neck through hair while praising my hair. I wanted to just escape, he insisted for me to repeat promise to return tomorrow. I promised and promptly left deciding that I would need to avoid this street tomorrow. It was just such a brief and inconsequential moment, that it could be washed away, but while recounting it to others it became somehow worse and worse. I don't know if I'm not making additional harm to myself by writing it down, but somehow it wouldn't feel honest to omit that moment from the diary.

I returned to the beach and my thoughts redirected towards general love of this place. I could spend way more time here, just enjoying the beach. However emotionally draining the last days were, I calmed down and started slowly to accept the situation. My whole day here, visit to the beach especially, was the remainder of the first feelings upon arriving to India. It felt so contrasting now, just after one month. I remember vividly how I felt when I first time set foot on this beach. Awe, disbelief, excitement to see India, how everything seems strange despite my preparations. Now I was full of nostalgia and fuzzy warm feelings. I was glad that I had one more full day left and with that thought I returned to homestay to content sleep.

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