India trip

Day -1 (Wednesday, 18.12.2024)

How do you imagine I have been spending my last day before my trip started? Probably you thought of something natural, like for example, me cutting anti-steal plastic boxes for electronics with hacksaw. Wait, what?!

Okay, I admit. It’s not exactly the most obvious image someone could conjure as an answer to this question. I didn’t provide myself with luxury of something like casual, but careful recheck of my baggage, without haste. But let me backtrack a little bit.

I didn’t have exactly much of luck lately with things. In last 2 weeks my bike, ebook reader and electric shaver (and probably other things I don’t remember) broken down and they are objects which I use all the time. At least broken to such degree that they were not usable and I didn’t have time left to fix them or buy replacements. Everything accumulated and I didn’t properly even started to pack.

Few days ago I went to do some shopping before the trip and I bought powerbank and SD card in big shop. Out of habit I went for automated cash register instead of going to cashier. But I struggled to scan something so cashier came and helped me scan it either way. This little detail will be significant later. Out of habit again, I used receipt only to open exit gate and I threw it away as soon as I left. Probably I should keep it for a while when buying something like electronics, but old habits die hard.

I didn’t pay much attention to them immediately, because there were other matters to think about. But day or two later I tried to open them and it came out it’s quite hard. I expected that there has to be some trick, but I couldn’t find it so I made photos and sent them to my engineer friend asking for help. His first answer was in the form of a question - “why do you have powerbank in an anti-steal box?” That was the moment I understood that I fumbled big time.

He explained that normally cashier should open it for me with magnet, but I went to automated cash register, ignorant that this box is not just some regular packaging. But there was cashier helping me scan it, why didn’t he realize? Regardless, I didn’t have receipt so I couldn’t go and ask them to open them now.

So what are my options? I asked. My friend said that either I can do it civilized way with strong magnet or like barbarian with hacksaw. But I didn’t have any of it! So instead of going shopping and focusing on finishing touches with normal stuff, what was I looking to buy few days before my big travel? Hacksaw and some working gloves, because I couldn’t really find magnets.

I started to feel that I am the third neighbor from classical Czechoslovakian cartoon Pat a Mat. Whatever little problem I had it escalated into inevitable disaster. Cutting thick plastic boxes with hacksaw was just cherry on top, but there were other smaller busywork to do this last day.

I have had to print e-visa copy (because obviously I didn’t do it earlier), but queue was enormous and I waited for at least an hour. I didn’t want to go looking for other print shop, because I waited there so long already. I was looking also for little metal rod to open pocket for SIM card, just in case, I will need new SIM card in India. But no phone shop had it so I decided to buy some clippers, but I couldn’t find them anywhere either. Out of frustration I bought box of needles. Even though at first I worried that their pointy end can break the button, but at this point I was too frustrated and too tired to really care. If it wasn’t enough, I cut myself during shaving (remember broken electric shaver?) - I didn’t shave myself with regular shavers so long that it was very predictable outcome. Oh, and I wanted to get at least a little bit of rupees in cash, but two currency exchange shops didn’t have them. Second one claimed that first one I checked have it - but I was fed up with all of that and I just wanted to return home finally.

I was finishing packing at night, that’s right, please don’t judge me, I’m already tired. I didn’t sleep whole night, because my train to Kraków (where I start my flight) was leaving 5:29 and I was afraid that I will oversleep if I go after everything finally will be done. Even considering that mom promised to call me and wake me up, I didn’t want to tempt my fate.

That was my -1st day of trip, I hope that you enjoyed the lecture and eagerly wait for more.

Day 0 (Thursday, 19.12.2024)

Sometimes we have quite natural question - is 0 natural number? Mathematicians are quite ambivalent in the matter of 0. Usually they would say that it is convention and it depends on what you want to do with it. At one time it is convenient to assume that 0 is natural, but other times that it’s not. Programmers, on the other hand, love to count starting with zero - while common folk start with one.

Similarly, I’m fuzzy on whether today counts as my trip already. In the end, I always defined it as an Indian trip and I won’t be there yet today. But it’s undeniable that I’m already on the move, already in travel. So I’ll use that ambivalence of zero and proclaim it day 0.

This is good place to mention that it is something you could call “trip of a lifetime”. At least for now it’s biggest trip for me, full of “firsts”. It’s my first trip to India, in fact, it’s my first trip to Asia. I was traveling by plane once (or rather twice - back and forth) - to Georgia. But it was organized group travel and this time I’m on my own. I never ventured so far, and when I traveled abroad, it was always with someone.

Of course, it’s more than that. Whoever knew me and talked with me for at least a little bit longer in the last 1.5 year would know how obsessive I’m about India. Although I was always interested in whole of India in its mind-bogling diversity, my focus drifted more to South India and then even more to Kerala, which is in my heart already even before I set foot on its soil. In the last 1.5 year I watched 145 Indian movies, including 50 Malayalam ones (that’s precise number), read 40 Indian or Indian-related books, listened to countless podcasts, ate enormous amount of Indian food almost on a daily basis and went to 7 Indian events. Numbers speak for themselves.

If you read Day -1 entry, you probably aware how ridiculously messy my preparation were and that I didn’t really sleep. I was afraid to go to sleep for a moment, because I could overslept. In the train to Kraków I was tired due to that and similarly didn’t want to nap. And here I am at the gate to my plane and waiting. I fumbled so much before, but today was surprisingly smooth. I worried a little that it’s the only day I have reason to be concerned about. I can stumble my way through India, but here is bottleneck, if I mess something up today, that can be it, no trip.

But I am not concerned the way I suspected I could be. Sometimes being flegmatic has its perks. I saw many malayalis here and even chatted with one guy, so I know who to follow just in case.

Onboard

Only when I boarded first plane I felt I can finally relax and wait for some food. I couldn’t wait for my chana dal and paratha. Noteworthy point for me was that in Arabic airlines, stewardesses were East or Southeast Asian and we started our flight with Muslim prayer.

But what really kept my attention was the view. Whatever you say about the planes, I can’t help, but be kept in awe seeing the world from the up above. When we started weather was clear and I enjoyed it. Soon enough I lost orientation and just couldn’t stop staring through the window (fortunately I could choose seat at the window). Glimmering human settlements moved along serpentine paths through the valleys, making us seem not that different than shining rivers. Glorious snowy mountains captivated my attention for a while, but I was confused which ones are they. We barely started so is it possible it’s Slovakia already? Then lower clouds started to appear and they were absolutely beautiful. They looked like puffy cover of the earth, almost possible to mistake with fresh snowy landscape. Piercing through the higher clouds only added more charm to experience. Clouds started to be so all-encompassing that with sunlight it was blinding me, so I couldn’t look too long.

Ruckus redirected my attention when stewardesses started to bring food. I got nice little chana dal and paratha. After so little sleep I felt finally satiated.

I woken up to beautiful sunset and view of huge mountains covering slowly darkening landscape. Are these Caucasus mountains? My confusion over geography felt little embarrassing, but I had very limited perspective and little experience. When diminishing red light started to fade, it gave space for new sight - web-like spread of city lights.

Into the second plane

There have been slight delay which made transit quite hectic experience. I knew who to follow though, few people were unmistakable malayali so I kept close to them.

Airport in Sharjah seems to be run to huge degree by Indians - also Indians were big chunk of passengers. Whole airport was very different vibe than chill, slowed down and spacious atmosphere of Kraków airport in early morning. Here we had huge crowds running to their connections - there were a lot of Middle-Easterners, Indians and Africans (sorry, on the run I didn’t have chance to make guesswork which part of Africa).

I think I can be the only European on this flight. Which makes me think that I’m either crazy or just unusual. In previous flight there were a lot of Polish and Ukrainian people, apparently going somewhere for vacation during Christmas, so it’s not here where is the difference. People next to me said that they are going to Bangkok, for example.

Maybe Kochi simply is not obvious choice for most Europeans. People choose the most famous touristic places in the North India. Or Goa, for some reason. But I wonder what people here think of this sole European guy going on a flight to Kochi this time of a year. And yet, I heard often that it’s good time to visit.

I waited for upma with sambar and it was nice little treat. It made me craving South Indian food even more now. But these two little dishes weren’t enough for such a long journey and I need to fill my stomach finally.

At first it was hard for me to interpret the sight I had from the window. It was in relative darkness. What are these lone lights? What are these patches of lighter tones in the sea of darkness? Before I understood it was a little bit surreal, especially because we were going through turbulence, but I understood finally that we’re flying over ocean and lighter spots are low clouds, lone lights being ships.

Deficit of sleep, long travel, small seats, little space for legs - all of that is exhausting and little bit painful. And after all of that I have whole day ahead of me. Whole trip ahead of me.

Day 1 (Friday, 20.12.2024)

Finally first day of the trip. But I must admit it was overwhelming experience - in both positive and negative sense. Plenty of things were the way I expected or should expect, but still surprising. Other stuff were pure surprise.

But let’s start out at the point where I left at Day 0. When I landed I still had long process of immigration check-in. Individually maybe wasn’t that long, but there were so many people in the queue that only at 5 am (local time) I finally was at the gates of airport (while I landed at 3 am). But then buying SIM card also taken time. Already tired, sleepy and overwhelmed, it was just around 6 am so I have had whole day ahead of me, but I wasn’t sure how to start. I didn’t know how to find myself. It looked like everyone takes taxi so I opted for that too. Asked about Fort Kochi and was surprised with the price, but I soon learned that it is around 50 km from airport.

See, that was my first big surprise. Distances and travel time. And the way this city or rather metropolitan area is. There is nomenclature confusion. There is Fort Kochi / Kochi / Cochin / Ernakulam. Sometimes they are used interchangeably, sometimes not, I’m not sure how exactly that works. When I was in more core parts of Kochi, I realized that there are some other reasons to underestimate travel time just by looking at the map. One is that whole this metropolitan area is group of islands so sometimes you need to go really around to somewhere that on the map looks close. Second is the traffic - of course traffic, it’s still India in the end, even if not Tier-I City like Mumbai or Bengaluru.

I was in Fort Kochi very early in the morning. I was very tired, I barely slept in the airplane and I didn’t sleep at all day before travel. There were some mishap with finding place to stay for me. My friend was hospitalized and on its own it was huge blow to my mood, but also it didn’t help me on level of organization. I was carrying around my heavy suitcase, because I had some hotel planned in different district/island, so until evening.

All of that exhausted my mental strength and I should know better, but I didn’t resist fully all the scam attempts thrown at me. At first I was firmly refusing, but I was exhausted and little wasn’t sure what to do next before I settle at hotel. I agreed for some tuk tuk driver to show me things around. Guy supposed to show me around with famous landmarks, but in the meantime he also was stopping at the shops. First situation like that felt like a trap, it was spice shop and I felt that cool, I want to buy some. But other shops were connected, like souvenirs and other stuff. But then they really tried to sell me something expensive - like carpet. I could write long essay on all manipulative techniques they have been using, but I don’t want to. It threw bad shadow at plethora other experiences I had.

All that physical and mental exhaustion. Heavy sleep deprivation, carrying around heavy suitcase in not suitable terrain, bad news from friend, hotel mishap. I had a lot of good experiences too, but as I’m writing that paragraph at the end of Day 2 I know that all of that things happened next day too, but even more amplified so I will cover that next.

When I finally reached my hotel I didn’t really do much except some shower, watching some random malayalam tv and let’s say “maintenance” - communication with my friend, repacking etc. In the end I went to sleep quite early, even before 8 pm.

Day 2 (Saturday, 21.12.2024)

I woke up very early and that allowed me to slowly get myself together. When I learned that in hotel breakfast is in price and it’s open buffet, you can only imagine what I did. I stuffed myself quite a lot, but maybe not to degree when I can’t walk. Breakfast seems to be important meal in Kerala. All the staple food is breakfast food.

With my hoodie and jacket packet that I had on me in Poland, there were very little space left in suitcase and backpack and I didn’t have space for new things I bought. Out of desperation, I decided that I will go for something more familiar - mall. It’s hard to know for me sometimes where to buy certain specific things even in Poland and here it’s even more confusing. Fortunately one was very close. One interesting tidbit - they have guard and check-in before entrance to the mall, metal detector gate and all. Weirdly enough, it’s only when you’re entering, but not when you’re leaving.

I had long route ahead of me and I went for the buses like yesterday, but it was less smooth, because at least once I entered wrong one. Buses here are experience. Usually they don’t have windows at all (and for good reason, otherwise I don’t know how that would heat with all these people closed in it) and if they have it’s plastic windows which are basically always opened either way. There are two people who run the bus - the silent driver and the guy who is collecting tickets and screams something at the stops. I’m not sure if it’s name of the goal or something else. At the front there are always some quotes - sentences, usually marxist, Christian or something motivational. There are also some imagery - again communist or religious. There were Che Guevara alongside his quote, there were tri-picture symbolizing three major religions of Kerala - Hinduism, Christianity and Islam. Put together alongside it symbolizes religious harmony of Kerala.

I didn’t arrive exactly where I wanted, but it was close enough so I covered remaining distance on foot (again carrying suitcase around in places which don’t have even pedestrian lanes). Addresses in India are confusing and I didn’t get at the correct spot. I asked some local guy and he helped me - it came out that it’s better to write name of the homestay rather than address provided, because otherwise Google Maps doesn’t process it correctly. Somewhere at this point somehow the same tuk tuk guy from yesterday was just driving by so he stopped, but I developed thicker skin since yesterday and I said that I’m busy and I don’t want his service.

My homestay’s name is Bethlehem Green Woods. And it is lovely, it is exactly what I wanted, instead of sleeping in hotel. Even narrow alleyway leading to it was filled with charm and greenery. As the name suggests, it is made by Christian family, so as usual there are a lot of Christian imagery, but also photos of family. There are here also all-Kerala or all-India imagery or books. It’s all really beautiful and I was happy as soon as I saw it. It’s also in Fort Kochi itself, close to the ocean, close to most famous landmarks of Kochi. The owner said that they offer tour for cheap starting at the morning. I was actually happy, because it allowed me to slow down and not to try to see everything and just relax.

I think it’s a good moment to switch from chronological depiction to more free flowing impressionistic, because rest of the day is in a way series of impressions and reflections. It allows me to cover some observations I had for both days so far (but were very on different level today, as I mentioned in Day 1.

I went to the beach side and it visible transformed in the afternoon from the way it looked in the morning previous day. Honestly, I barely recognized it at first and I thought I’m on some beach much farther away. Somehow along the coast all the stalls magically appeared, even whole tent shops. Water was so warm, I couldn’t believe it’s December. I don’t remember Baltic Sea being so warm even in the hot periods during summer. People rarely swim here, they usually only go to wet their feet and have fun with avoiding bigger waves. I saw only rare groups of boys that were swimming, I don’t think girls ever do. I just enjoyed the beach, trying to wrap my head around the fact it’s winter, going to wet my legs as locals do.

There is so many symbolism of communism and Marxism here in public. Red color flags, party symbols, sickle and hammer, even Che Guevara. There is also a lot of Christianity, people have cross and other paraphernalia put everywhere, in their cars, buses, but also stalls, doorsteps and obviously homes. The special cake prize winner is one church that was holding huge party banner at their gate with other red symbolism around it. Fusion and entanglement that was fully expected due to my knowledge about Kerala, but still baffling for my polish brain.

Another important, constant observation is how open people are. They can stare at you, really really stare, they don’t have any sense that it could feel rude. Of course, big part of it is due to my look, with my unusual long hair with weird color, blue eyes and being tall. People don’t have problem with pointing fingers at me while chatting and giggling. The bigger prize is going for the girl who smiled and pointed at me from another bus when we were at the traffic. They often also smile so widely that is irresistible. Some random passersby smile at me so way as in Poland you would smile upon randomly meeting good friend at the street. They often say hi and try to talk with me. Usually first question is where am I from. So I answer that Poland. There are different reactions on that and I don’t know if most of them have even idea where it is so I add it’s Central Europe. But only one person in the bus asked me after long pause, “sir, where is Poland? Is it close to UK?” Some boys usually recognize it as country of Lewandowski. There were one reaction I have been waiting for and I get it from a group of girls. Upon hearing “Poland” one girl said quote from a movie to another. Then I asked if that was the quote from the movie and all of them were visibly embarrassed and burst into laughter. The quote was from old cult classic political movie and it goes something like this: “Don’t utter a word about Poland!”

People are so chatty, so helpful and smile so brightly, often they smile and wave at you. It’s hard to predict who would smile at you, who would just stare and who barely notice you. It doesn’t seem to be related to gender or age. Little kids, teenagers, adults, elderly - boys and girls.

I feel like I’m around so much beauty here. Nature obviously, but female beauty too. It’s not just that these women are beautiful, but whole female aesthetic. They usually have long hair, wear saris (mostly older women, but some young ones too occasionally), churidars or salwar kameezes or variations of thereof. They put kajal around their eyes and they wear jewelry and jhumkas or other nice earrings. Sometimes some woman or girl dresses in trousers or generally more western clothes, but it’s rare.

For men, they usually wear on the bottom either dhoti or jeans. Dhoti can look elegant when it’s unfolded, but when folded in certain “practical” way that reveals legs it looks like diapers for adults (sorry malayali men, but it really do look like that!). On top they wear usually buttoned shirts. T-shirts are less common. Often enough also they wear some small earrings. The only exception are Muslim men sporting characteristic beard, sometimes wearing salwar and kurta and often taqiyah cap.

I went by ferry to the other island. It was attraction of its own, because ferry carries people on foot, but also cars, tuk tuks, motorbikes or even buses. Beach here were not so crowded and at some lagoon when the islands finished there were only small rivers separating it from an island with mangrove forest reserve park. Some boys encouraged me to come to swim “Come, swim! Come swim!”. With limited English they asked me about everything, from where I’m from (“Lewandowski!”) to my marital status (“Wife? Girlfriend?”). They tried without result to teach me some malayalam. They also asked me for 10 rupees for ferry raid (Little rascals!), but since the day before I developed thinner skin so I said them to ask their parents. Either way it was one of many highlights of the day.

When I returned to Fort Kochi I wandered a little bit more to the bazaar street and I saw more Muslim and their buildings, but it was too late, because most of things was already closed at this time. I returned to beach side and it was still very lively and very chill. There were police along the coast, but it was very chill and unproblematic crowd. I didn’t see any people arguing or fighting I would expect in such a place and time in Poland. But rarely I saw any alcohol or drunk people here either.

One small highlight was when I was already moving around this evening crowd with goal of slowly returning to homestay. Some Christian children were coming to me, giving me some fliers with Christmas stories and inviting for some Christmas celebration at their church (I would actually go, but I will move at this point to different city at this point). When other children came with same fliers I didn’t have heart to resist and taken it from them and give them “prayer wishes” - they wanted to pray for something I ask them to. I’m not sure how to depict it, but they were so sweet that I was almost moved to tears.

All in all, whole day was really wonderful. Probably the only bad thing for whole day is that I need to find some sandals, because I’m going around flip-flops that hurts me a little bit. At the late evening when I jus went to drink tea at the roof before going to sleep, mosquitoes were biting my already hurt feet. But besides that I was so happy and relaxed with this day that I went to sleep fully satisfied.

Day 3 (Sunday, 22.12.2024)

I will start with the free flow observation as in the previous note. There is a lot of public displays of affection (actually, whole thing is such a big topic here that they have short for it: PDA). Just it is directed mostly at the people of the same gender. Boys often hold each other hands, they lean into each other, they caress other boys backs. Same thing with girls - they also often hold hands. I actually think that boys are even more affectionate to each other than girls are. But it’s possible that I just notice guys doing that more often, because it’s more striking for me. It’s not limited to young people though, adults or even elderly do that. Seeing someone holding hands with his grandpa wasn’t weird at all. And knowing Indians I wouldn’t take a guess that it was actually his grandpa - it could be elderly neighbor.

I was a little bit mistaken and little tour with guide will be there for me tomorrow morning, but either way I went to explore on my own. I reached places where I was day before, but was closed then - today I was there at its lively moment. Bazaar Route and Mattanchery. I also managed to reach Jew Town and it was amazing to see place which I read whole book about. Speaking about books, I saw two bookstores finally and there were so many books from my to-read list. But I restrained myself with heavy heart, because I would need to carry these books with me for whole month.

Christmas is celebrated here with full swing as joyful public holiday. And not public as our public commercialization and shopping. I randomly stumbled into crowd of Santas and they were just starting their procession with the main Santa put on the sleigh with reindeers on a moving platform. On another occasion I saw Three Kings from biblical story, I assume, riding also on a platform. Moment later whole group were singing Christmas carols on the street while motorbikes and cars were passing them by. At evenings there are visible many color light decorations. People put a lot of effort, but also joy into celebrating their holidays. Christians are leading a way here with Christmas, but I know that people of all religion celebrate it in some ways.

I went for whole theatre show that covered kathakali, kalari and theyyam. I came earlier to see how they put out makeup. Kathakali was funny, dramatic, but also simply quite weird, even though I had some familiarity with it already. It was very good that they started with explanation, because this artform relays on many conventions and otherwise it’s hard to understand without context. It’s shortened version, because kathakali show can last for whole night, but it is what it is. Kalari was damn cool. I saw some shots of that martial art, I watched Oru Vadakkan Veeragatha, but I never dwelled into it so what I saw on the show was big positive surprise. Theyyam was quite wild and I can see why some people consider it scary. I wanted to see it and I’m happy that I did, even though it’s more like theatrical version, but proper theyyam is ritualistic and religious and is performed in certain contexts only.

I bought sandals finally, but because I actually never wear sandals in my life, it feels weird and I’m not sure if I’m comfortable. I’m not sure how to regulate them maybe. Sometimes I feel they are put tight, other that it’s too loose. But I already have some bumps on feet, my feet are bitten by mosquitoes and I really not sure what is the problem. Are shoes actually okay if I exclude the other problems that trouble my feet or not? And I need to find something for mosquitoes.

I hear that homestay’s family is watching some dramatic movie with Mammootty and I would love to listen, but I need to wake up early and it’s already late.

Day 4 (Monday, 23.12.2024)

I started the day with very early guided tour. It was completely individual tour with this lovely older lady who was really amazing. She was very knowledgeable about history of Kerala and Kochi, but she also weaved personal stories, from her childhood and different times of life, into the fabric of Fort Kochi. How like residents transformed that place into tourist spot and where people want to come. Because it was so individual I didn’t have problem with saying that I read books about Kerala like “Ivory Throne” or “Last Jews of Kochi” and we dwelled deeper. That’s not particularly new for me in general, but somehow story about Anglo-Indians who are descendants of Portuguese men and low caste Indian women (try to wrap your head around the name of community then). Probably because she also joked once that with my knowledge I probably should just marry local lady. She also had weird blue eyes which were in contrast to her typical malayali face. I couldn’t help, but asked about it. She said that it’s either some sickness or it’s due to all this mixing that was going on here. After some googling I think it’s Arcus senilis due to how it looked like.

Next on my list of task to do was going to the mall. Normally it wouldn’t be especially touristic goal and not the place that I would go without other reason. That reason was that I forgot to pack formal shoes to my suit. I used that opportunity as to go further into “modern city”, Ernakulam. So far I have been traveling there just back and forth through the buses. Today I went for buses too, but also traveled on foot way more, trying to wrap my head around the rules of the roads and when can I cross the street. There’s no better way to put it that any road rules, traffic lights, zebra crossing or even pedestrian lane are just loose sugestions, not hard rules. “Can I cross the road safely?” - operate more on vibes than rules. I traveled also by metro (in contrast to water metro) which went above the ground and then ferry boat which inside looked like very wide bus.

I think malls are rarer here, but then they build something like LuLu Mall which is so huge - four levels, every one very big, filled with such a mass of people. I tried to quickly fulfill my duty of buying shoes, but then I traveled here for such a time that I decided to roam a little bit. Of course I found bookstore - interesting tidbit, even though not surprising for me at this point is that language distribution was reversed here. Most books were in English and Malayalam had only one section, although bigger than English section in polish bookstore.

At first glance I thought that in “modern” city people wouldn’t react at me the same way (although I should know better, because I traveled a little with bus in Day 1 and 2). When they were in a crowd or preoccupied they seem didn’t notice me, but when they notice behavior was basically same - staring, smiles, waving, giggling, chatting. The only small difference is that I think they often were more surprised (as far as I can tell).

I was so far into the mainland part that I didn’t want to go back right away. I looked up map and my first point of interest was beautiful Syro-Malabar church (St. George’s Syro-Malabar Church in Edappally). Interior design was like perfect harmony of simplicity and intricate detail. I’m not artist or art historian so I’m not sure why it has that effect on me and how to describe it. It reminded me that I didn’t know how’s the deal with shoes, should I even buy them if we leave shoes outside of temple - never mind if it’s church or mandir. But of course I would need to go in something before entering church and after leaving it.

My next stop was some relatively small Hindu Ganapathi (Ganesha) temple. It was very calming place, supposedly in the middle of the city and yet felt like in some wild place. I wasn’t sure how to behave. In fact, it was first Hindu temple I entered as at least some previous ones that I saw earlier from outside were forbidden to enter for non-hindu.

After that I went to some park when kathakali just happened to be performed. I watched a little, but because I watched previous day, I decided to go after short time. With the metro (above the ground) I reached the ferry, but before it I roamed a little in a very nice park placed next to the coast. After returning to Kochi typical shenanigans - some guy started to dance with me and then some old uncle proposed me ganja, but I politely declined.

After cooling my feet in the ocean I returned slowly to the homestay, along the way chatting with some dude who gave me free postcards. Blisters on my feet and mosquito bites are a little worrisome.

Day 5 (Tuesday, 24.12.2024, Christmas Eve)

Time to leave Kochi and Green Woods Bethlehem and go to Kollam. Ride on the bus to Kollam was a little bit exhausting and while we traveled through Kerala I tried to register things special along the way, but things passed too quickly for me to either register it through photo or it properly sink in to my mind. Instead I got mosaic of locations and impressions. I wasn’t exactly sure how the route looks like on a map. Do we move all the time along the coast? The only city that was clearly noticeable was Alleppey / Alappuzha.

When I managed to leave my bags in my room I went and spent rest of the day on the beach. Waves here are so strong and beach (usually) so steep that when you’re standing in one point, one wave could not reach you, but the next one will hit you and with the strong force cover your legs almost to knees. It seems that a lot of people drowned here so it was forbidden to swim here. There’s apparently forbidden to make some big celebrations here, but it’s hard to tell what that means. There were again like blend and mosaic of impressions, encounters with people and experiences. But all of that was like a distraction really. My friend went to hospital again and it went to be defining feature of the day. I didn’t even manage to meet her.

I thought about going to the midnight mass, because it’s hallmark of Christmas Eve celebration here, they don’t have kind of feast as we have in Poland. But I returned from the beach too late, I was tired, not really clean enough and didn’t have time to prepare otherwise. It wasn’t really how I imagine this day, but it wasn’t completely bad.

Either way, I really hope that everything will properly start tomorrow.

Day 6 (Wednesday, 25.12.2024, Christmas)

At the morning I was anxiously waiting for information on how to proceed and when everything will start. When I got it I decided that I have a little bit time in the morning so I went to the other beach here, Thangassery Beach with beautiful picturesque scenery of some ruins alongside pink flowers growing nearby and huge amount of birds flying between it and the sea - other than crows I noticed cheels, a lot of them, and it was amazing to see them up close after reading about them in The Wildings series.

After eating something I hurried to my room to prepare. Cleaning, treating blisters/rashes on my feet with creams and plasters and the most difficult part. How the heck am I suppose to wear mundu? I launched YouTube tutorials and tried to reproduce it, but quickly I became frustrated and started to panic a little. In the end I started to get the hang of it. But then when I felt that it keeps nicely on me and looks properly, I discovered that leg movement is very hard. How do you even move in that? Maybe I didn’t tie it properly? But it looked like I did everything like in YouTube and it looked properly. With some practice I discovered that I can move a little bit more than it seemed at the beginning and I also discovered some tricks when I hold up parts of it a little and it increases leg movement a lot.

After dressing up I eagerly waited long until her brother-cousin came to pick me up. Finally I reach first function of marriage. When we arrived I met Tini finally, professional cameraman and photographer on us recording it. It was nice to meet again, somehow familiar face was reassuring, because then came rollercoaster of introductions and welcomes. Tini said she can’t help me most of the time so she referred to her friends to help me in anything. It was overwhelming in a way that it wasn’t since Day 1, but in definitely more positive sense.

It was one of these functions visible on movies where people come and go, mostly coming for photo shoot with the bride (and the groom, when he was there) accompanied with some food and chatting. Even I have been photographed with the bride while feeding her something sweet by hand. There were some mixture of celebrating Christmas, with the “Merry Christmas”. It was clearly bride’s side of family function, while groom and his side came only for a while. People were interested in me wearing mundu and kurta and speaking very limited Malayalam.

Due to professional cameramen I didn’t feel pressure to record too much on my own, but when bride’s sisters - dark skinned beauties - had some little dance prepared, I couldn’t help, but grab my phone and record it. I learned later on (although it’s possible that Tini mentioned that long time ago) that her mother have 7 siblings (or she’s one of 7 siblings). So there’s a lot of brothers and sisters of that side of family.

First part with photoshoot was more calmed down, cute even. But when photoshoots finished and most guests left, there have been wild dancing part. It was amazing to dance among them, people became very tired, but didn’t stop easily.

When people were seriously tired and most guests already left, I had a little bit time to talk with Nirosha - one of dark skinned sisters. I taken care to write down their name down - also twins Melina and Melisa. Otherwise these names would slip through my mind too quickly and I wanted to remember at least some of them. Nirosha was very open and charming. It’s difficult to really read people, because people here are really open in general. She complimented my hair, but I replied I think hers are more beautiful. She wanted to take photo of us both so I used the opportunity and asked about same, but with my phone also. When she queried me about my Malayalam at the end I said that I learned some phrases from songs also - like “karutha penne” (“dark girl”), which made her burst into laughter.

It was late and most people already left so someone (probably he was one of brothers) taken me to my place. My head was buzzing with emotions so I didn’t go to sleep immediately, but when I distracted myself a little with some tv programs skipping I decided I’m actually tired and time to go to sleep.

Day 7 (Thursday, 26.12.2024)

That was a day with so many warm experiences, it was also a day of first proper wedding ceremony.

I had a lot of time in the morning so I decided to see something interesting in Kollam. When I was looking at the map I discovered that I fumbled a little yesterday, I went to Thangassery Beach and saw the ruins there. Somehow I thought that the ruins are the lighthouse I heard about, even though it doesn’t look like lighthouse at all. For my defense I can only tell that so many things are different in India that sometimes it’s actually good to drop your assumptions on how things look like. It came out that actual lighthouse is just a little further ahead from that place.

I head to the same direction as yesterday and found my way to the lighthouse. But there were some two hour break and I couldn’t enter. I decided that if I want to wait for reopening I need to use the remaining time to eat something. I asked around and some old ladies called me. We couldn’t communicate much, but through mixture of gestures, English and Malayalam they understood that I want to find the food. One lady wanted me to follow her. I thought that she’s leading me to some small local shop or something of the sort, but she lead me to her house.

I was surprised, but with a lot of encouragement of other people of household I entered. They woken up some small girl who looked at most twelve to communicate with me. She was dressed in cute dress that looked like night gown, her gait was very soft and she had very high pitched girly voice. She was very happy to see me and talk to me. She spoke very fluent English. Although here even kids speak English quite well she was very articulate. Upon learning that I’m from Poland she said that she’s planning to study nursing in Germany. From so far abroad it felt like she will be my neighbor and I said so. But I was wondering, so little girl speaking so good English and already planning ahead studying in Germany? I asked her about her age and she said she’s 18. I couldn’t believe it, she looked like a child and I had hard time to readjust image of her in my mind.

They feed me rice on banana leaf with various sides. When I explained to them that I eat vegetarian and also no milk they said that today just by accident they prepared all the food vegetarian (in this case really vegan) and it has to be God that brought me today to them. They were rather poor Christian family living just right beside the coast. They were extremely happy to feed me. Mariah, as was the name of little but adult woman, translated back to her family every information she got from me.

I knew that I got there long enough and I had to return to my room to prepare for the wedding. We exchanged Instagram accounts and she said that she will definitely contact me if she will get to study in Germany. She get the selfie with me and then shoot more photos of me. She said I look very cute. Oh girl, if someone was cute here, it wasn’t me. As she was getting some photos of me I used that as an opportunity and asked if I can also make her photo. She was shy and said that she doesn’t dressed for that, but I reassured she looks nice. She said that I could come back to visit them whenever I could. I knew that next day I will be leaving Kollam so with heavy heart I said goodbye to Mariah and her family.

On my way back I quickly entered lighthouse and the view on the ocean and city as well was stunning. Breeze was refreshing. I didn’t stay long and returned to the room.

I have been preparing quickly and then went to the shrine when the wedding supposed to be. It was a little bit of going around asking, because it wasn’t on the map, but I got also name of lyceum that was close. Ceremony was in big circular shrine (but not church) which was open and roof was holded by columns. Around it provisional metal roof was built. But generally whole place was in the open. I could think that I know whole Roman rite by heart at this point, but because it was Malayalam it was hard for me to follow. There were other noticeable differences. In India even Christians don’t use rings as symbol of marriage, but nuptial chains instead, so they put chains around each other. Another thing after that was when bride put some material around her head and both of them kneeled before the priest and touched his feet while he touched their heads. At first I have been sitting somewhere around larger audience, but someone taken me closer inside the shrine. The bride looked amazing.

After the ceremony we went by bus to the reception. The place was absolutely gorgeous. There was nice palace-like building and it was placed just at the coast with the beautiful view at the ocean. Whole reception was open air, scenery was really incredible. Food was in a form of open buffet so I didn’t really have any problems with finding something for myself.

General way it looked like was that the newlyweds were standing in front and people were coming to give them the gifts and take photos with them. Other than that open buffet and drinks (non-alcoholic) were always provided. Other than that, as a intermission of sort, bridesmaids were performing dance show. For all songs there were Nirosha and the twins - Melisa and Melina. For some of the songs rest of bridesmaids joined too. Of course I had to record whole performance.

I had so many wonderful interactions and people were happy to talk with me or do photos together. Afterwards at the end of the day Tini said that she’s thankful for me being here and that I mingled with whole family, that they were saying as if I’m already part of the family. It was really nice to hear.

Here is the moment I must admit that among all these interactions there was one person with which contact I have been seeking the most. It wasn’t that difficult, because Nirosha evidently was seeking contact with me as well. We made photos together and have nice conversations. Among the highlights was that she mentioned that she has plan, although quite fuzzy and unspecified, to go to Germany for nursing study. That’s truly recurring theme of the day. Another thing was when she mentioned that she feels insecure and usually don’t talk with foreigners, because “would they even like me?” with her dark complexion. I reassured her that foreigners don’t care about complexion and people would like her for sure and she’s beautiful as it is. It kinda become running joke that I said “karutha penne” (“dark girl”) and she even asked me if I like that? “What?”, “Dark girls”, “Well, of course, why not?”. At some point someone joked on her that when she’ll visit Poland she will have free trip. We exchanged Instagram accounts so suddenly she become my other than Tini point of contact with them.

At some point the guests’ numbers started to decline and people started to ask me how do I return to my place. Some people asked me if I’m going with them to Varkala today, but I said that I still have hotel booked for the night. From hindsight I know that was mistake, because they went to Varkala to “deliver” bride to bridegroom’s place and leave her there and they afterwards returned to Kollam. I learned that only next day.

I returned to hotel as a passenger on a motorbike and it was actually my first time when I did it so I wasn’t sure if I’m actually safe and if I holding myself correctly. It was really pleasant day and I couldn’t wait for the next one.

Day 8 (Friday, 27.12.2024)

The day started a little bit wacky. When I packed and was ready for the checkout Nirosha texted me that her uncle is on his way to pick me up (she truly become point of contact for me). Then car just came and the guy inside called me. I packed and get into the car. I didn’t recognize him, but it wouldn’t be strange, there were so many people on the wedding. But we couldn’t really understand each other and he said something about Alleppey. I realized that’s wrong car, apologized and unpacked. Soon enough came the correct car and I clearly recognized the person this time.

They dropped me at Tini’s house. There were her father, mother and uncle from Malaysia. Their houses often are quite narrow, but very long instead. They always have kitchen sink in their halls or wherever they eat, to have ease of cleaning hand before eating. Another interesting aspect is that every room have their own bathroom. I never described how bathrooms look like, but generally except toilet and sink, there is shower, but it’s connected to two taps (one with warm water, other cold) below it, which serve to fill the bucket. There’s also smaller bucket inside bigger one that you use to take the water from bigger one and clean yourself.

They tried to engage me all the time, show me the house and feed me (or rather mother truly) two big masala dosa and some sweets. Later I learned that Nirosha wanted them to give me food on a banana leaf as she remembered that I told her about visit in Mariah’s house. I didn’t mind, but it was really sweet of her. Also later I learned that she came to see me, but it was unlucky time, because it was narrow time window when I was under shower to freshen up myself before dressing up.

We went to seek the bus and when we were already inside, it taken a lot of time for most people to actually enter the bus. They put me to sit at the front with some uncle. I tried to be nice and strike conversation, but I felt we don’t really understand each other. He tried to call his colleague who supposedly was from Poland, but the name didn’t look particularly polish. Soon enough cousins came dressed up very nicely. For some reason Nirosha was coming all the time back and forth from the back of the bus to the front and on one such occasions she taken me to the back to sit next to her.

During conversation in the bus, one of the exchanges that I remember was when she asked me to say something in polish. And obviously I had to say something patently obvious that give away mine thoughts. First words I gave her were “piękna” (“beautiful”) and “dziewczyna” (“girl”). At least it made her laugh and she related what I said to brother-cousin. When we left the bus she was worried if she should wear translucent green dupatta, but I said that she looks good either way. Because we were always in proximity to some relatives, one female relative teased me:

“Oh, so only she looks good?” “No no, of course you all look amazing.”

Venue for today was indoors and definitely didn’t look as good and atmospheric as of previous day, but to be honest, it would be hard to beat up it. In many ways it was the same format as yesterday, but organized by groom’s side. The newlyweds were displayed at the center of the stage and there were a lot of photoshoots there and people who couldn’t come yesterday brought gift as well.

Nirosha definitely tried to keep me close to herself at all the times. She was telling that she didn’t want me to sit alone, but I hope she enjoyed my company. Whenever we were separated for one or the other reason she called me back to herself. We were doing another photos of the day with each other, but also someone did candid photo of us talking to each other, but it looked actually quite good. My limited Malayalam couldn’t tell me that for sure, but it was clear that people were joking and teased her about us. At some point she simply didn’t want to translate what are they telling.

When the time came and people of Kollam went to return to the bus I felt my time to say something significant to her is closing, but there were always some relatives around. When I tried to say my goodbye, Tini’s sister said directly upfront: “You’re gonna miss especially her, right?” pointing at Nirosha. It was quite embarrassing, but it didn’t deter me to actually come to Nirosha and say that I’m going to miss her.

I stayed for finishing part, waiting for the end and information on where I could stay for the night today. Groom’s side started to dance and I joined them. Either way it wasn’t long before everything wrapped up completely. I said my goodbye to Tini (and she properly mentioned that wasn’t good idea to take suitcase to Indian trip instead tourist backpack). Friends of groom taken me to my room in some hostel. One of them, Abhinand, invited me to his home next day to eat breakfast.

Room wasn’t in the big standard, but I didn’t mind really. What was really on my mind was that I’m probably not going to see all these people again. Especially Nirosha, of course. Maybe not even Tini. With these gnawing feelings, I really didn’t have nothing better to do than prepare to sleep. Maybe sleep will ease the pain of the heart.

Day 9 (Saturday, 28.12.2024)

I woke up with the feeling that the sleep didn’t really heal the pain, but actually amplified it. It was so brief moment, meeting these people and now it’s gone. Will I see her again?

Abhinand invited me for the breakfast and I obliged without hesitation. I met his wife at the wedding and she introduced me to her mother-in-law yesterday, which was very adorable woman, although didn’t speak much of English. They give me so much food that I felt I won’t need to eat a lot more for whole day. It was very nice meal and once again I felt that people here are tremendously hospitable.

He taken me on a motorbike to give me just a little lift, but we met Saurav and he actually gave me lift to beach itself. Maybe at this point I should get used to traveling on motorbike as passenger, but it was my longest trip and Varkala is way more curvy than other coastal cities I seen here. There’s a lot of slopes and we often went down or up, accelerating suddenly and I couldn’t help, but feel a little bit anxious.

He went with me for a little walk around the cliff and I couldn’t stop being in awe of how beautiful that place is. Soon enough I thanked Saurav and say goodbye and went on my way. Along the cliff there were set up many, many shops and my general vibe was very different from what beach area was in Kochi, not even speaking about Kollam. It seems more touristic place, way more than even Kochi. Sometimes I felt that here is set up hippie version of India just for white tourist, rather than authentic Kerala culture. Speaking of which, there were more white tourists than in Kochi and maybe that was the reason why reaction on me here in Varkala were toned down. There were still stares, smiles and chatting (maybe I should set up abbreviation for that at this point, as Indians seem to have abbreviation for every concept - SSC maybe?), but it was definitely not that intensive as in different places. Still there were more local people and other Indians, like internal tourists, than white ones so the place still was blend of taste and needs of locals and tourists.

I went my way down to the beach and decided to take a bath, despite warning signs of not taking bath here. Again in contrast to different places here people were actually swimming in the ocean instead of just wetting their legs. Although it’s probably generous to call it swimming, people were submerging themselves completely, waiting for the strong waves. Life guards were whistling when someone was doing something stupid, went too far or waves were getting too strong. Or at least it’s my interpretation of situations.

I went further along the beach and I discovered that it’s stretching long and in some long stretches of the beach there’s barely any people except spare white people. I didn’t exactly like that, but I went further out of curiosity how far it goes and when cliffs end. At some point cliffs finished and there locals appeared again and it signalled some other main beach and entry point from the city.

My general vibe from white tourists, in contrast to the ones from Kochi, was that these people probably don’t engage much with the locals and their culture. Maybe I shouldn’t be judgemental, because not everyone needs to be as interested as me and definitely there were some people interested, and besides everyone has right to spent their time how they wish. But I couldn’t help myself and be little judgemental towards everyone who came here just for the beach in December (and these people hiked prices for the end of December in Varkala, so maybe there is some self-interest in this criticism).

I was swimming few times for long time and it was very nice feeling. Waves were quite strong so it was fun when they were hitting me with force and sometimes even submerging. I went along the beach and then tried to climb up back to cliffs and I went by some roundabout way on the sloped roads.

I went back and forth along the beach and along the cliffs few times like that and before I knew it, it was already starting to darken. I had few nice chatting today with few people, including some Tamil guys about Tamil movies and what I could see in Tamil Nadu. I tried to do shots of sunset, but I couldn’t make it look good.

I decided that I need to find ATM to withdraw some cash and I went a little bit away from the beach area. First ATM didn’t work for me for some reason, but I knew that I need more cash already and I was determined. There were some other ATMs further away, but it forced me to go in dark streets further into the city. Next ATM worked and I decided to go different route back to the beach. More dark streets and alleys, but it was somehow refreshing.

When I returned to the beach I was in the less attended one and back stretch separated me from the main ones. I went along it for a while, but thought that I will climb up to the cliff. When I found some stairs lights along it suddenly turned off so I almost resigned, but it got back up quickly. It came out that these stairs were leading to private hotels areas, but I quickly tried to leave it.

Cliffs become very nicely illuminated at night and maybe it shouldn’t surprise me at this point, but both cliffs and beach became much more crowded now. Sometimes it was really difficult to move at the alley along the cliff. It seems that proper local life is going here at the evening and night.

I enjoyed late hours atmosphere here and I even went into direction I didn’t explore earlier, but after a while I was a little tired and headed to hostel. It was 40-50 minutes walk along serpentine sloped roads.

In the hostel room I discovered why I felt such an itching in my feet, legs and other places. I just got the tan, or rather I would say burn. I was slightly red all over. Somehow I felt that spending time at Kochi beach I already went past this first stage of exposure to the sun. But there were more shadows and beach was rather small in comparison so it made sense. Here beaches are wide and completely without shadow. I was also actually going fully into the water here, which I actually I didn’t do in Kerala except that one time in Vypin island where group of little boys encouraged me. I need to buy sunscreen, because obviously I didn’t think about that before.

Day 10 (Sunday, 29.12.2024)

I woke up and slowly went into morning maintenance routine. Yesterday’s burns became tan, but red skin was encircling around my vitiligo spots. I don’t remember that happening ever before so I got a little worried and wanted to find this sunscreen cream. After paying in a hostel I went to eat something small and then headed to the beach.

When I arrived I sat down close to the shrine placed just at the edge of the beach to write things down and slowly think what to do next in coming days. Some kind of ritual was going on and people proceeded from the shrine few steps away to give some kind of offering - like some sweets on the leaf, I’m not entirely sure what it was.

I finished for now and went to the cliff. Along the cliff I met one person that talked to me yesterday. Usually when I’m a little at loss with such practical problems I simple ask people, so I asked if he knows where I could buy sunscreen. He lead me to few shops and along the way started to talk me things I couldn’t fully understand. He complimented me, my looks - but it wasn’t out of ordinary, people here do that quite often. Then he asked me if I’m top or bottom, but I was in such disbelief that it didn’t really sink in to my mind. Only when he directly said that he wants sex with me and he wants to come to my room I got it. I couldn’t read signs at all apparently. I tried to explain to him that I’m only into girls, he didn’t want to understand me. I excused myself and wanted to avoid that passage as possible for the day.

Rest of the day was in many ways like a repeat of yesterday. I was going along the cliffs (trying to avoid the guy from previous paragraph), swimming in the ocean and walking in alleyways behind the cliffs.

One significant thing during the day was that I invited Nirosha to come to me next day to Jatayu Earth’s Center. She declined with a long message that she wouldn’t be allowed like that, unless she would go with Tini and other cousins. Either way I had slim chances, but I wanted to try. She was trying to reassure me that she would want to go, I shouldn’t feel bad and she didn’t decline purposefully. I actually thought before that the only way it could happen is if some cousins would go along for a ride. Maybe I should said it explicitly, but it was last minute call for such thing.

I watched sunset from nice viewpoint on the edge of the cliff. Then I went down to the beach and walked along the shore as the sky was darkening. When I thought that probably Tini won’t manage to meet in the end for today, she called. We decided to meet at the Black Beach and soon enough she and Athul came. We went to one of the restaurants on the cliff, to the first floor with view on musicians just below.

She was beautifully, but more casually dressed today. Huge bright eyes sparkled, she looked finally relaxed, visibly slightly tired after days of functions, but still somehow energetic. Easily distractable, she switched her attention easily and quickly between conversation with me, musicians down below and Athul. It was truly pleasure to see her like that, finally at ease and simply happy.

Conversation switched between practical advices for the rest of my trip, after wedding impressions (“you texted my sister, Nirosha”), Poland, how different I am from other white tourists in Varkala (“you eat with your hands”), struggles for getting intercaste marriage and such things. Somewhere along the way came Athul’s brother (cousin? probably) who just arrived recently and wasn’t on the wedding.

When I finished my veg biryani they wanted to give me lift. I went on a motorbike with Athul’s brother and Athul and Tini on another went alongside us. I already saw how people behave here as passengers on a motorbike, but they were going most of the road alongside us with similar speed so I had the opportunity to observe Toni’s behavior on a motorbike. While I was holding tight to whatever I could and tried to not fall, she was sitting with both legs on one side (often ladies’ dress doesn’t allow for going another way), barely holding, distracted by some things or holding phone to Athul’s ear.

Saying goodbyes, we said that maybe we still manage to meet while I will be slowly going back at the end of my trip. It was good to finally have some time with her since coming here and I felt satisfied with the day.

Day 11 (Monday, 30.12.2024)

Plan is to stay in Varkala for the New Year celebration, but I already had 2 full days on the beach and I wanted some change. As described yesterday about failed invitation, I planned to go to Jatayu Earth’s Center which is about 30 km from Varkala. Google Maps is not particularly helpful, showing only some routes round through state’s capital Thiruvananthapuram (Trivandrum) which would take more than 3 hours. That can’t be right! There has to be other way locals would travel.

Fortunately Abhinand gave me instructions how to get there. Go to the bus stand (where is it? somewhere close to your hotel, same district), then to Paripally and from there catch bus to Chadayamangalam where is Jatayu Earth’s Center. My residual polish habits were striving for more precision, like when exactly buses are going, written down to the minute. But I already gained some limited experience with moving around here so I went to place when I remembered were a lot of buses and asked a lot of questions and tried to read malayalam script on buses. I managed easily to get to Paripally, but then I was confused if I should go to different bus stand or not and locals seemed to give me inconsistent directions. Eventually I asked at one bus which came by and one of older passengers said something in malayalam and then conveyed it to bus conductor. Nobody spoke English here, but from the shape of the sentences and context I understood that I will not go directly to Chadayamangalam, but somewhere closer and then catch another bus. It went exactly like that without problem.

One free flowing observation that I wanted to note down and it’s good occasion. In Kerala it’s really hard to distinguish where one city/town/village ends and start the new one. All the so-called villages I saw so far were pretty much urbanized. Maybe it changes somewhere while moving closer to hill regions or between backwaters, but what I saw so far closer to coastal areas is like if everything is urbanized and borders are hard to point at.

I went by foot from Chadayamangalam center (if I could call it like that) to the Jatayu Earth’s Center. Huge statue of the bird standing (or laying) on top of rock hill was visible from afar. Before going I decided to eat something and I got some nice biryani in some family restaurant. Only one young lady were sitting there, but generally it’s another instance where I observed how often people’s jobs and shops blend to their houses and to their private lives. Lady was more preoccupied with playing with her phone or talking on it with someone. To be fair, she didn’t have exactly much to do except serving some rare customer. It’s how it looks like here very often.

When I approached Center I was surprised and discouraged by huge queue leading to the gates of the Center. I went all the way here so either way I decided to line up in the queue. But soon some guy came and started to explain to people that that huge queue is for cable car route and if someone wants to go by walkway queue is negligible and price is lower. I didn’t have to think twice, I went for walkway. I got my ticket and went to the gate, but female guard (it looks like basically whole crew of the park is female) said that I should leave my backpack. It taken me some time to understand that I should return to the same ticket counter and leave it there. Somehow suddenly small crowd gathered there and all of them either wanted to get their bags back or leave it same as me. It was still very small and negligible, but it taken me some little time, because all people were chaotically thrusting themselves through others. One guy gave me some advice and I discovered how to get there through this too.

Walkway was nice and cozy. It was only one kilometer uphill by stone stairs. Most people seemed to be challenged, but for me it was a breeze. I had some nice chat along the way with small group, but eventually went faster ahead. There were lined up water points along the way, there were also multiple signs with message about nature being wealth and things along this line.

At the top I made a lot of photos of Jatayu and landscape around. It was nice change from coastal views, but I was surprised that I can’t see ocean, it should be quite close. It seems like a lot of attractions are still in preparation, like musem and theater. There were one shrine, separated from main area. Whole area around the shrine was typically no footwear area, but it was actually nice to walk barefoot around the rock. I knew that Hindu often don’t like when their temples are photographed, especially insides, but there were little shrines with statues of various sages and mythological figures, mostly related to Ramayana, but there was also Ganapati (South Indian name for Ganesha). I didn’t have qualms with photographing these, because others also did. Only at the entrance of main chamber (with statue of Rama, if I’m not mistaken) there was sign with explicit on photos and camera.

At the main area I went for snacks (I asked about one of every possible type like excited child) and lime juice. After that I went my few rounds around to enjoy the views for the last time.

Along my way back to Chadayamangalam at least few school buses were waving at me. Rain also started, but it was barely noticeable sensually and short, but sheer fact of its presence at this season was weird. When I returned to Chadayamangalam I was confused where exactly I should go for Paripally bus. I asked some girls about directions and if they speak English (“korchi-korchi”). Should I go for that big bus hub or find bus stand at the road leading to Paripally or something else? Eventually I found it’s the second option.

I waited quite a lot of time on bus stand. Excited schoolboys tried to explain something to me about Mohanlal, that something related to him is there somewhere close. We talked about movie stars and I tried to show them that I watched movies with Mohanlal and Mammootty. When they asked me about favorite actor I went with my standard maneuver at this point and said Parvathy Thiruvothu. Soon they changed their position and on their place younger schoolgirls sat next to me. They were trying to look unphased, but sometimes glanced at me and shyly smiling when they noticed that I noticed. Elderly guy started to talk to me loudly, asking about my native place and also saying something to girls. They giggled and started to glance at me more openly and smile, but didn’t say anything.

I already got the trick to easy spot my bus (at least longer distance buses and if I’m already at correct stand). Just find name of the place you want to go, look up its malayalam script and scan every bus that approaching for that. After that everything went smoothly and at Paripally I caught the bus to Varkala beach. Back there it was already late so I didn’t have time to swim today and I went with standard evening routine, roaming around the beach and cliffs, eating something, observing people. There were yellow-claded people which I saw traveling in huge groups in pilgrimage-like form in my way on bus on both directions. As far as I understood, they were celebrating Narayana, famous in Kerala guru and social anti-caste reformer from beginning of XX century. What was special occasion, I couldn’t tell and somehow I didn’t know how to approach people with questions.

I sat at the beach for a little bit longer and went back to my hostel. Tomorrow I will have whole New Year celebration to do.

Day 12 (Tuesday, 31.12.2024)

In the morning I went for a walk. I didn’t want to use a map, but I also didn’t want to go by obvious paths to the beach that were already familiar to me. I strayed quite far and left Varkala proper. Whatever village or place that was, road looked really beautiful. Here more than usual for Varkala people were curious with me, especially multiple children tried to say something to me. First one boy was riding bike alongside me, but didn’t say anything. Then he alarmed children from some neighbors’ house. Little girls were really excited and saying hello to me multiple times. I saw also lady who was carrying on her head huge basket without use of hands.

At some point I gave up and looked up at the map and discovered that actually I’m almost at the beach, but it was quite faraway beach. I met some young fishermen resting there in their huts (I’m not sure how to call it, it’s basically roof with net around it). They greeted me and wanted me to sing something. I really didn’t feel I’m good at singing, but after a lot of encouragement and looking for lyrics with bad internet connection I tried something, but they weren’t impressed. So they get one guy to sing who behave as if he was completely stoned. Another guy was the main talker, there was also silent type. In a hut there were also half-sleeping uncle. The main talker at some point started to murmur something to me. I couldn’t understand why. Is he hiding something from others? From whom? Silent type, stoner or maybe sleeping uncle? I couldn’t properly understand his murmuring, but I think except drugs he said that he could organize me various things, he could find me Indian girl. It wasn’t really something I wanted to hear and I truly hope it was just some stupid brag or that I simply misunderstood what he was telling.

I went along the coast to the main beach and then when I was there, I realized that I’m not really prepared for swimming clothes-wise. I thought that it’s good opportunity to come back to hostel and train station along the way which is just close by. I did whole round then to hostel and train station and then beach again. But at the train station ticket seller said me that tickets for tomorrow I will buy tomorrow. It wasn’t exactly the answer I wanted to hear, almost like I lost so much time from last day spending on the beach.

At the hostel I met some Tamil neighbors and we started to chat. They were curious about polish currency so I found whatever I had hidden deep in my baggage. I gave one guy 10 zł and multiple coins and he tried to give me rupee equivalent in cash, so I told that’s not really a problem. He was surprised by it, but I explained that I faced so much kindness and generosity here that I won’t hesitate to return it as small favor, even if it wasn’t them directly showing me kindness. When leaving hostel I bought some snacks and snack seller by gestures asked me (jokingly, of course) if I would want to marry his daughter (or maybe it wasn’t his daughter). They didn’t speak English at all, but gestures were evident. Old guy gestured thali (necklace symbol of marriage used in subcontinent regardless of religion, Tini also got one during Christian ceremony), writing contract and pointing at the woman. I know that it was just joking, but why can’t it be so simple in some other cases?

When I returned I got a little bit time swimming, but soon it started to darken and life guards started to whistle on everyone to leave the water.

Somewhere along the way Nicha (short of Nirosha, name she preferred to be called) started to text with me and she thought I might be lonely on New Year’s Eve if I’m not with someone now and if I would be in Kollam she would accompany me. Honestly, that felt like a such a hit, but it was too late to change anything. It was really comforting thought to know that she was thinking about it.

Before I knew it, it was getting late and I wanted to just leave the cliffs and go down to the beach, but crowds were so huge on cliff that it taken me a lot of time to reach the beach. At the beach people were trying to launch into the air sky lantern when the midnight was approaching. When it finally came, people started to wildly scream, there were no countdown before it.

It came out that after the midnight, despite of beach being very wide in comparison to cliffs, leaving it started to be a challenge with whole crowd gathered. While I was leaving many people were wishing me happy new year.

I returned to the hostel with the thought that it was the last day in Varkala and it’s enough time for some change of pace. I noticed that what was before small rash on my right tight become big and really red and there were rash on left one as well. I was sure that it’s probably I have been going on a salt-soaked jeans for days and tights is the spot when my skin has the most contact with the jeans. Change of scenery is welcomed.

Day 13 (Wednesday, 01.01.2025)

Today was the day of moving to Alappuzha (Alleppey) and I decided that the easiest and most interesting will be train. Station was literally in very close proximity to the hostel so there were no hassle going there.

I got the ticket to Alappuzha, but I didn’t understand if I got some sit or not and how to read what’s written on the ticket. On the ticket, seller written S6 and as it came out after asking, it meant that I should go to S6 compartment, but I wouldn’t have any specific seat. It was slight problem moving in train with my baggage and orient myself with how things work. Whole compartment had sleeper seats above regular seats so there were multiple people just laying above. As I am used to putting baggage in trains at the top in Poland, here I had space below my seat. Someone pointed me that there were newly freed seat at the window and I should use it to see things as foreigner. Multiple sellers were going around compartments all the time with coffee, chai, snacks, whole ready meals like biryani. Interesting fact, despite many warnings, people travel with opened doors, often standing just at the door while train is moving. I didn’t see it during highest speed, but it was definitely happening when train was close to station.

Travel was relatively short and actually quite pleasant. At first I didn’t want to take any tuk tuk, because my new homestay was relatively close, but with my suitcase and its broken one wheel completely (suitcase was so bad idea, I don’t know why I even agreed to that) and being slightly tired I agreed to go with it. Later on when I can leave my baggage I can go with long walks on foot.

Homestay looked exactly as much hippie as its name “Peace and love beach stay” suggested. It’s colorful, just at the beach and full of hippie hinduistic imagery. I got the room with the doors just at the front, facing the beach, so close to the ocean. It’s in a way wild that such a place in European country would go as some sort of premium, but here it is budget location.

I decided that I will go with the suggestion of the owner and go tomorrow for half a day trip on the boat to the backwaters. I didn’t want rest of the day to go for waste so I go out to reach the harbor on my own. I saw all these beautiful houseboats which looked quite luxurious inside. Someone tried to convince me for a ride and I decided to at least orient myself with the prices. As it seems, it’s an expensive deal, especially for single person and they offer usually ride with night over on the boat. Well, in the end it’s called houseboat and there are rooms to sleep on it. I wondered if there are no bigger cruises where I could just go among multiple people instead of going with something crazy like paying for whole houseboat on my own. I decided that I’ll simply go tomorrow for a ride suggested by homestay, because it’s affordable and then I’ll see what to do next.

I returned long way round through alleyways of Alappuzha to the beach and then homestay. I must admit that these random walks around alleyways are interesting for me, especially after changing the city. At the homestay I went for the rooftop when homestay guests, all Europeans where sitting and chatting. This place really have some hippie vibe.

After some time I returned down to my room, but there water was finishing in pipes so I managed to only clean feet a little bit. It was late and I didn’t know if I should wake up owner. I went to bed and texted a little bit before going to sleep. I woke up and I thought someone was running water in room next door, but it came out that water generally returned and I turned it on during my attempts earlier.

Little bit vague day, but I was excited for the next day and seeing backwaters up close finally.

Day 14 (Thursday, 02.01.2024)

Organized tour by boat started early in the morning. One older woman from the homestay also came. We had provided tuk tuk that carried us to the boat jetty, as it’s called, in Alappuzha. By public ferry we went to the island when tour guide has home and we ate very nice big breakfast. Guide’s wife was adorable woman who didn’t really understood when someone was refused more food unless they were physically protesting. Whole group during the breakfast was like mix of older white people and Indian tourists from outside of Kerala. There were couple from Andhra, two young Bengali women and Mumbai woman who didn’t really engaged with anyone except asking sporadic questions to the guide.

After the breakfast Bengali girls left and rest of people were split into two boats. I went to the boat with Indians, on the back of the boat with Mumbai lady. Somehow I found some common language with her and we talked a little about historical books about India and what places across India are worth visiting. Overall she felt little distant which was quite a change from openness of malayalis here, but maybe it was simply the attitude she developed traveling solo as a woman.

Boat trip across the backwaters was magical and really hard to describe. It was everything I have been expecting reading and watching about this place, but also there were way more into it. We swam through wide lakes, but also through little water corridors filled with water hyacinths. I observed how beautiful tropical nature blends with man-made spaces of houses and buildings placed at narrow strips of land. People were living here around the water, washing clothes, cooking, cleaning dishes, bathing. Their houses were separated from the water by low walls, but water sometimes literally surrounded their houses and various pathways were leading to the walls. There were always on these walls narrow stairs leading to the water, or rather small submerged platform. People were often seen with their legs in the water and using walls for some practical purpose - like hand washing clothes.

I was making so much photos and videos, because I was in awe of beauty of these places. People were rather ignoring us or looking at us with stoic indifference. It is in big contrast to how usually malayalis react to tourists or maybe to me specifically. The only significant exceptions were children. There were two special situations that become imprinted in my mind. In first, two little girls have been peaking at us from behind the tree, before they decided to wave at us and say hi. Second, I heard the melody from afar that has been moving towards us until it came out to be boat with girls singing some happy song and when passing us by they were overexcited to greet us. I managed to capture that moment on video and it became immediately one of my favorites.

It felt comforting in a way to travel across these serene backwaters, with warm weather, laying lazily in the boat and occasionally reaching by hand to water to cool myself down. Eventually it came to the end and we returned to eat lunch to the same house when we ate breakfast. It was beautiful meal on banana leaf with rice and multiple sides. Again the lady of the house was barely listening to refusals and unless someone was barring their leaf plate by hands or literally folded it, she was adding more food. And because I am very agreeable I ate at least two times longer than everyone and they were waiting for me to finish.

We returned by public ferry and went our ways. I roamed across the city, buying some snacks, visiting beach along my way back, but otherwise doing nothing specific.

At homestay new person appeared. She was Japanese young woman (Mizaki) and I spent talking with her a little. In many ways she seemed to be embodiment of how I would imagine young Japanese woman to be. She was calm, soft spoken, apparently shy. I couldn’t help, but to compare with malayali women how they usually appear. Of course that kind of comparisons are sensitive to over generalizations, but I think it would be dishonest to say that there’s nothing in it at all. Although both groups could appear “cute” or “sweet”, malayali women feel more open and less shy. They also appear to take more initiative and leading you. There’s more differences I thought about, but it’s pretty vague and hard to put into the words.

I realized that it’s so late already and I need to wake up at 5 o’clock next day for kayaking. I feel like there will be deficit of sleep the next day.

Day 15 (Friday, 03.01.2025)

I wake up early in the morning, around 5:15 to quickly prepare for kayaking. I went with tuk tuk to proper place and I meet Kannadiga couple that also came for kayaking. It came out that them and me got separate guide and when we boarded our kayaks we went in separate ways.

Journey started by swimming through thick cover of water hyacinths. I followed trail created by my guide. Then we arrived at the wide lake while sun started to rise. It was pleasant weather and not something that could be expected from summer mornings close to bodies of water in Poland. View was beautiful and we spotted otter swimming in front of us.

Kayaking in standing water was difficult for my weak arms, but when guide asked if I would prefer longer break I said that I would rather swim more and go further. Somewhere along there were professional sportsmen kayaking and it only showcased how slow I am in comparison.

Backwaters were beautiful and enchanting as I was already aware after yesterday. I loved especially the narrower canals, even though currently they were often covered by hyacinths and difficult to traverse.

We stopped and get to the land at place that the guide called his village. However much I see these narrow strips of land I wonder how different life of people living here seems. The guide was showing me around, chatting around with people we passed and explained me that these places in general are lands reclaimed from the water. We even saw in one place a lot of mud that as he explained was taken over from water to extend land. We stopped by one tea stand and I ate some snacks and drink coffee. After that we finished tour around his village, he was pointing to me animals, plants (including one that roll into itself when touched) and also things like schools his children are attending (and he was interestingly exactly my age) or houses of his relatives.

We returned to kayaks at the time when it was already very warm. Sometimes sun was beating down, especially at wider lakes, but overall water around and shades in more tighter spaces made it easy to handle. We got to have one more break on land when I ate nice idli and sambar. After returning to kayaks we slowly moved into direction from where we started.

It was satisfying and good activity, but it was not even noon so I didn’t want to say my goodbye to backwaters quite yet. I decided to go for a public ferry and go very far to some random place. At first I wanted to find out where given ferry goes, but couldn’t really understand. Ticket collector asked me to which place I want to go. I didn’t have any sensible answer so I tried to explain that I just want to go for a ride somewhere. He was baffled by that, but eventually sold me ticket to the place he said is midpoint of this ferry route. It was only twelve rupee so basically nothing (at the moment of the writing it is equivalent of 0.58 złoty).

At first I thought that if it’s midpoint it can’t be quite far, but we were swimming at least for an hour. Although I didn’t pay attention this day to tracking time more precisely. I tried to understand where I actually suppose to leave by the map. I got the name of the station of the destination on the ticket, but not every boat jetty is put into Google Maps. Stations had names of places written in Latin script alongside Malayalam only for few first stations and later it’s only Malayalam. Google Maps showed me that there’s plenty of various quite diverging water routes so at least I tried to track which it takes.

I didn’t have to guess where to leave, because ticket collector told me that’s my station. I choose one direction and followed body of water. Just here at the beginning I saw big group of girl scouts who were happy to wave at me and greet me. I was just going like that around the island, observing how houses looks like and how people here are. It was very beautiful and I had occasions to once again see this blend of wetland nature and human settlements up close, but this time completely at my own pace, just by walking. Before I noticed few hours passed during the walk and I become little bit tired, especially with that big sleep deficit. I still had feeling that I didn’t feel like leaving backwaters, but it was time already for that.

I returned to the same boat jetty from which I got here, by going completely around. I waited quite a long time for a ferry. My previous impression was that they come all the time, but this impression came from the fact that I started at main boat jetty in Alappuzha so ferry of every route was stopping there. When I got on one finally I wanted to watch one more time the backwaters, but I was quite sleepy. It wouldn’t be exactly comfortable to take a nap here, but I didn’t want either way. So I was watching the backwaters with that dreamy consciousness, when I fell into micro-naps and generally become little bit dreamy and everything, like voices around or impressions and views got either toned down or amplified. I thought that it’s actually quite fitting goodbye, as it could imprint this landscape as beautiful dreamscape in my mind.

When I left I headed directly into the beach, to my homestay. I was passing by next to the school for girls exactly at the time when kids were leaving the school. It’s worth a note that Indian schools are usually huge, with very big number of students. I got so much attention from so many little girls that I felt really awkward. Usually here I’m not bothered by attention from anyone, but here numbers were just overwhelming.

At the beach finally, at my homestay. I tried to find the owner to discuss matter of laundry, payment and leaving the next day. Instead I found French girl on the rooftop that was new guest. We talked a little bit and she told me she was traveling more across India, long distances like many tourists trying to cover large swaths of India, crossing many famous checkpoints and cities from their lists. I am very slow traveler in comparison, I explained. I traveled only in Kerala so far and I’m planning to visit only Tamil Nadu in addition to that during that trip. What was the most interesting is that when I mentioned that I was on a wedding, she told me that she came initially from Rajasthan, where her boyfriend is from. He went to his native village where some wedding was happening, but she couldn’t come, because his family is conservative and doesn’t know about her so she couldn’t go along. I really hope that I won’t have to face similar situation.

I went for last time farewell to the ocean for awhile, because it’s not only backwaters I’m leaving, but also coastal regions too. The beach close to my homestay is not very crowdy and in proximity there were only few people playing football in some distance. I got into the water and swim a little while the sun was setting. Somehow I felt it’s not that fun for me to swim alone in comparison to Varkala where there were always many people in water, at the main beaches at least. In Poland I would have opposite reaction, I enjoy these moments when I can swim just on my own, e.g. in Nadziejów’s quarry, but here in India it’s not really like that at all.

After that, I went for a little round to the main beach where usual evening crowds gathered. I didn’t really felt I have much to do here at this point so soon I returned. At the return someone called me and I had little chat with some guys who were giving me vadas and also wanted to give me some alcohol, but I refused.

In homestay I went to the rooftop for a little while and there in addition to French and Japanese girl and homeowner was some French guy (unrelated to the girl). He engaged everyone in conversation, but soon I excused myself, explained that I didn’t sleep much today and next day I’m leaving with the early bus, so I went to sleep.

Day 16 (Saturday, 04.01.2025)

I went to the bus station very early in the morning. As it’s almost routine now, I couldn’t figure out on my own how to find my bus, but some locals were helpful and pointed out when it came.

I thought about two things for the journey, because it supposed to be long one. I thought that maybe I will manage to sleep a little, but almost everything in buses here is from metal and there’s no glass in windows so I couldn’t even rest my head on anything. Another thing was idea that I can update my diary, but due to little sleep and bumpy road I couldn’t really focus and write much.

Before I realized we were already in hilly areas. Although there is terminology confusion, because what Indians call hills we would probably call mountains. Bus was going sometimes very quickly on the slopes down or up, on the turns and I felt a little bit anxious, but quickly it faded away.

After few hours I finally noticed properly mountainous landscape and when I saw mountains for the first time I literally held my breath for a few seconds. Road was leading around serpentine paths and views were really extraordinary. I felt excited like a little child and tried to notice everything. Previously I was scared to do photos, because I felt that bumpy road and open windows could mean that I drop my phone, but somehow I forgot about all that at that time.

The most magical were the famous tea plantations covering mountains slopes everywhere around. But there were more to spot and I saw two monkeys, although because it was on the bus I wasn’t even able to make a photo. Huge mountain rocks were impressive as well, especially when we were driving close to them.

Hill towns we were crossing had different vibe from what I experienced so far in Kerala, but it’s hard to spot where the difference lies except obvious environmental one. At some point I started to feel little dizzy out of the bus ride on these mountainous roads, but amazing landscapes were a prize for all of that.

When I finally arrived in Munnar I reached my hostel and it was actually quite nice place. Very narrow, but relatively tall building painted in green. It was a little formal, but besides looked nice. When I unpacked I went to ask hostel manager for guidance with attractions here. He pointed me to government office that provides good tourist packages in affordable prices. It sounded good so I went exactly there. They have four different offers, but I didn’t know immediately what to choose. Eventually I chosen one with Chinnar Wildlife Sanctuary as I hoped to see some wild animals.

When I felt that things are settled for the next day, I decided just to roam around, looking on a map just like a guide for otherwise random walk. I climbed up to tea plantation hills nearby and to the temple viewpoint surrounded by it. Going around paths in the middle of plantations was extremely calming at this time, every place, every viewpoint looked gorgeous and I truly felt happy that I could be here. Someone told me it’s popular honeymoon destination and I can understand why. Maybe I will return here some day?

I went to eat something and afterwards when it became dark I went for small walk. It was nice experience, but when landscape is barely visible it’s not the same so I returned to hostel to sleep.

At the end, few free flowing impressions about Munnar. My first surprise was big presence of Tamil. I knew that it’s close to the border with Tamil Nadu, but it was still surprising, my mind trained on our borders, when even with open Schengen zone borders, you can easily see divide in use of language and population when you cross the border. Tamil script could be see alongside Malayalam on various signboards, there are restaurants apparently run by Tamil, I thought that I heard kid calling his dad “appa” (although I’m not that good at picking up words in my surrounding). Another interesting thing is that people seem to be on average more dark skinned than in coastal areas. Things like that are always hard to assess just by looking, but I think I’m not wrong with that observation. Is it presence of Tamils? Or is it more due to more Adivasi - hill tribes blood? Or some other reason? It’s hard to speculate just like that and I would need deep dive into research to answer that.

Day 17 (Sunday, 05.01.2025)

For the start, general observation about this region. In addition to observations from yesterday I noticed that a lot of people wear tilaka (or however it’s called, especially regionally; pottu? but I think it means just bindi in Malayalam/Tamil), marks on their foreheads. It was barely noticeable in coastal cities, but here it is visible everywhere. I’m not sure what they signify specifically in its various forms - religious and maybe caste affiliations as far as I know.

I went to tourism center and they said to wait on the riverside before the trip will start. Wide river coming through mountainous landscape truly looks beautiful. In fact, name of Munnar comes from Malayalam/Tamil words “Munnu” and “Aaru” which means “three rivers”, because three rivers meet here.

I met one ginger guy who seemed nice and soon his friends joined us. These four people and me were whole tour group for today. I learned that they all are from Israel. I thought that maybe I shouldn’t held accountable random tourists for their government actions, but I think I couldn’t help it and it tainted somehow my perspective.

We had long and bumpy road to the Chinnar Wildlife Sanctuary. I was happy to spot here and there some monkeys and landscapes were as always amazing. We arrived to the point were was only one forest station and some stalls. We had to register ourselves for the trekking in some sort of forest department office, writing down information about nationality, ID card numbers and things like that. Whole little place looked like it’s run by Adivasi - tribal people. That wasn’t in any way hard to guess on my part. The station had written “Tribal Trackers Eco Development Committee Alampetty” on board and stalls “Ethnic produce”.

We got the guide who was dressed in camouflage-like uniform of forest department and wore cap. He was clearly member of local hill tribe. We started to following into area with the sign that unauthorized entrance is not allowed. We were getting onto the big rock. He showed us some sort of burial sites and also skull of a bison that was killed by a tiger. We got on top of the rock hill beaten down by the sun and he pointed at the elephants’s dried excrements and also explained through landscape where Kerala and Tamil Nadu meet and where we are going on this tour.

And here is the point where my irritation with my partners on the tour really started. To be completely fair though, it seems it was just this one guy with his antics and others were more silent and the ginger one seemed genuinely nice. Despite the fact that we barely started, the troublesome guy asked the guide if he could leave now. The guide didn’t understand him and tried to point again on the landscape or something else. It started to be abundantly clear that the guide doesn’t really understand English, except some basic words and maybe if question were related to things he pointed at. The guy tried to repeat it few times, but it didn’t help. The guide simply told to follow him further. I gritted my teeth and immediately disliked him.

The guide led us to the ancient rock painting site. It’s called “Madathala Painted Rock Shelter”. Paintings were of bigger animals made with red ochre and little fainted, but still quite visible. The troublesome guy again asked about the same, how to leave, “where is the exit”, he tried, but the guide said “I don’t know, sir” and was mocked afterwards with the same phrase by the guy. I really wanted to hit him at this point, but I didn’t think it was good idea. At later point he asked him if he could use nickname for him (he had his name written on uniform) and joked around.

We were going by some routes and our guides was sometimes pointing at certain things, like bird nests or signs of elephants’ activities. He was also sometimes picking flowers and gave me to smell it. From certain viewpoint he pointed at the places where elephants can be spotted often in the morning. Somehow I can say that I wasn’t really very disappointed by not spotting elephants or other large animals, because I knew that there’s no guarantee and chances are not that big. The guide was moving rather slowly, but surely, he was very light on his foot. Sometimes he was stopping just to listen and look around, but he wasn’t passing any commentary to us to explain. In at least one case he said to us to wait and don’t move and he vanished for awhile into the bushes. He didn’t explained himself. Sometimes there was other forest tracker who appeared and disappeared from our view, but at the end he was accompanying old guide. He was a young man wearing more fresh uniform with more vibrant colors in comparison to wore down uniform of the guide. He was holding machete and effortlessly cleaning slightly the path. Soon we entered the road and it was already close to the station where we started.

We get into the bus again and we spotted some deers and also monkeys. We were stopping at certain places while our driver explained things about animals and plants. Big part of forest was fenced and as explained by him, it was open only to forest department and hill tribes. Only tribals could gather forest produce like sandalwood (which is very expensive apparently) and other plants which they could sell in small quantities for Ayurveda medicines, food or other purposes in Munnar. Somewhere along the ways we stopped for the zip line. I went for it, it was quite short experience, but fun. We had short break there for tea and I learned that the troublesome guy claims to be “polish” Jew. Somehow it didn’t make me warm up to him at all.

We got to the Lakkom Waterfall. There were so many monkeys there and they didn’t care about humans. I was standing by just next to one monkey which was eating their banana in peace. It’s probably good to mention that at this point I learned that all these monkeys I saw are macaques - specifically bonnet macaque. Although somewhere previously I saw langur, I guess native Nilgiri langur, but it was hard to see from distance in its full glory and I made photo where it’s barely visible, but still. At the waterfall I went to bath in jeans only, similarly how many other people were entering water. One Muslim girl was going into the water fully covered except her feet and eyes. Water was cold in comparison to what I started to be used here already. Through the pond around waterfall and rocks I was coming closer to the waterfall itself. On one bigger rock close to the waterfall, overexcited guys greeted me and wanted me to join them under the stream. There was underwater rocks path leading to the stream from the bigger rock, but so close to the waterfall, the water was foamed and the path wasn’t clearly visible so I was a little anxious to go, especially because there were more people trying to go on it too. I almost slipped on it once, but there were abundance of hands that holded me and helped me to put my feet again on the rocks. I wasn’t sure how deep it goes. When I was there I didn’t want to put my head inside completely, because stream was strong, but my back was beaten by waterfall. I had there obligatory photo session with overexcited guys who were hugging and holding me and each other. I end completely wet, but very happy and that way I returned to the bus (my Israeli tour partners didn’t enter water and returned earlier).

We had some lunch break somewhere along the way and it didn’t help with my dislike of the “polish” Israelite. Although it was nice enough to chat with ginger guy and two other guys who said something sporadically, all of them have been eating with spoons. Yes, at this point I developed sort of initial benchmark for judging white tourists. If they eat with their hands and choose local food I give them bare minimum pass. They failed it, even nice ones.

When we returned to Munnar I went to hostel to change my clothes, because my jeans were still wet. I went to book another tour for the next day and when settled like that I went to town center to roam around and eat something, before returning to the hostel for sleep.

For the close up of this day entry I want to put down one loose impression. When evening and night comes, people here in hill station dress up in a way that is absolutely hilarious for me, even though maybe it shouldn’t. It looks like if someone tried to dress up for winter or autumn for the first time in their life, but couldn’t quite got it.

Day 18 (Monday, 06.01.2025)

I went to the same tourist office as yesterday for another tour. At the back I met old lady who tried to speak to me in some language, but then she switched to English. It came out that she’s from Netherlands and she heard that other people on our tour are from Netherlands too and they came soon, two guys. With old lady was half younger malayali guy. She said that they met on “laughter yoga” that she’s leading while he was playing drums.

Generally I had more reasonable vibes from the group than from Israeli group of yesterday. And yet I couldn’t completely stop to wonder about relationship between the old lady and malayali guy. People here are very open and any instinctive assumptions could be wrong.

Tour covered botanical garden, Mattupetty dam, various viewpoins, top station, echo point and generally Kundala lake. But among all these, the most interesting was tea museum. It showed various typical museum displays about history and old machinery of tea plantations and then short documentary about history about it. The most interesting though was display of working machinery that presented how tea is processed. One other highlight of the trip for me was that when we stopped at the dam, there was playground park nearby full of monkeys (macaques). I was filming them and they were going around with their business, mostly ignoring humans, but without fear. One monkey just came to me and pushed me lightly - it was like pressing my legs. And they just walk away as if it was nothing.

When we returned from the trip I went to the hostel for quick unload and I asked for instructions of how to get to Kodaikanal. I went to station also to check when it will leave next day morning. While I was going to the station tuk tuk driver asked if I want to be driven to good sunset point. I dismissed him as usual I do with them, but when I was returning from the station I thought it’s my last day here so why not. I asked about the price and 400 ₹ seemed little too much, but I set my mind on it.

We were driving for some time until we arrived at some point with many big rocks around. He said that I should climb the biggest one and it’s perfect spot. I actually climbed it, but during climbing I felt that going down will be actually more tricky. I sat at this rock and waited for the sunset, doing photos and videos of the landscape. When I was satisfying and sunset finished I went out of the rock easier than I thought. Often it’s easier to climb something than climb down safely.

After return I did little walk to main town center, but I didn’t have much to do there really except soak general atmosphere of hill station town. I returned to the hostel tired and prepared to take long journey out of Kerala for the first time.

Day 19 (Tuesday, 07.01.2025)

I knew that I need to prepare myself for long journey, because instructions to get into Kodaikanal were already a little bit overwhelming. From Kodaikanal to Theni (3.5h), Theni to Bathalakundu (1.5h), Bathalakundu to Kodaikanal (3h), but I think the times were definitely rounded up a little bit and transition times were negligible, because on every station I just asked and correct bus was already there.

First part of travel we were going down and I wondered if whole journey will be in hill regions. I also wondered if crossing state boundaries will be noticeable. Especially because there was Tamil script visible often alongside Malayalam in Munnar and its region. But there was actually sort of security barrier, but it was open. After crossing it, Malayalam script completely vanished.

Going along the journey I soaked all the details and all the apparent differences I could notice from the bus. The most obvious and immediate difference was that all the party flags and symbolism changed from communistic imagery to Dravidian party symbolism. There were presence of Chief Minister Stalin and other Tamil politicians. But not only politicians, I had general impression that Tamils worship their heroes way more than Malayalis. Kolam, sort of temporary drawing usually at the front of the houses was visible sometimes in Kerala, but I got the impression that it was more common here. Christianity in public was definitely less prominent than in Kerala, giving more space for Hinduism sites, but it didn’t vanish completely

Tilaka, the marks on their foreheads are quite prominent here, something I didn’t really noticed much in Kerala outside of Munnar. Skin complexion is on average darker. But it needs to be said that here, in both Kerala and Tamil Nadu there’s wide variety of skin tones and I’m talking only about averages. I don’t think Tamils are that much darker than Malayalis (again, worth repeating: on average), but difference is still visible. That’s pretty much settles question I got from impressions in Munnar.

Another thing I noticed is that although almost everyone wear some footwear, there were few people going barefoot. In Kerala people were going barefoot outside only maybe in proximity to their shops/stalls or homes. Men also wear often here some sort of scarfs, usually in one color. I wondered if it means some sort of party affiliation or other, but maybe I over think it and it’s just fashion.

At one of the stations when I was looking for a bus I couldn’t really understand what bus guys were telling me, because one bus pointed at another and that one at the first. Hijra girl told me which I should choose so I entered one bus. Normally I wouldn’t call hijra every transwoman just because it’s India, but she entered bus soon after, behaved quite loudly and with exaggeration, singed some song and asked people for some money for her bus. On the other hand, she wasn’t dressed particularly over the top, just like regular Indian girl.

Buses in Tamil Nadu seemed to have more comfortable seats, but were generally more loud and colorful, although it depends heavily on specific bus. First bus I got after getting in Tamil Nadu (so at the Theni-Bathalakundu part) was so loud, music was played and it used constantly honking, one type more “melodic”, other more “regular”. I thought I have become a little bit used to honking and such things, but I felt a little bit sensory overload.

Except these cultural differences I had impression that landscape visible changed and that things are more scorched by the sun, but there’s some possibility that I saw what I already expected to see, knowing about climate zones. But it applies only to areas out of the hills, because on the last bus when we were climbing back up, the mountainous region looked like nature around Munnar.

When we were approaching Kodaikanal I wanted to leave at the earlier stop, but somehow I missed it and I reached to the main town in upper part, but my stay was in bottom part of town. I didn’t have much choice than take taxi with my unfortunate choice to bring suitcase to India. They brought me to the address that I gave, but there was some confusion when we arrived and driver said to wait while he was arguing over something with people there. They asked me if I have room booked and I had to stay until they settled something. I became anxious with the situation, not understanding what’s going on. From hindsight, as far as I could understand, the place was like a complex of probably independent stays so confusion came out of that.

Eventually the person I was communicating came and lead me to my room. I said that I run out of cash and I need to go to ATM or I can by card, otherwise I don’t have online payment options. He became unnerved, called someone and one dude came who was not exactly welcoming. He asked me rudely what’s the problem so I repeated. The nice one then said that I should go with him to ATM on motorbike, so another ride on motorbike up and down was on the table. Although I started to get used to riding them (as passenger), there still low level of anxiety, especially on hilly terrain.

When I settled everything I climbed up to main town. Kodaikanal felt little bit more rough, less touristic town than Munnar, although in Munnar I didn’t see much of proper residential areas. I entered some viewpoint promenade, but because it was so cloudy - foggy that even the trees just below the barriers were barely visible. On the promenade there were people who wanted photos with me. First it was big group of boys. Then it was few girls. That felt new, usually girls were too shy to ask, although these ones were definitely excited. It’s hard to judge and I didn’t written it in previous entries, but I actually felt in few first days of the trip that people didn’t ask me for photos as often as I assumed they will - although they engaged me in different ways a lot more than I assumed. But here it was different, more people wanted photos together, even when I was walking randomly on the street. I don’t know if it’s difference between Tamils and Malayalis or maybe just because Kodaikanal brings mostly Indian tourists, foreigners being rather rare.

Afterwards when it was already getting dark I went to the lake where around whole evening life of the town happens. I enjoyed atmosphere here for a bit, buying snacks, tea, talking with people until I decided that’s time to return. I was excited for the next day, because I saw that distances between various point of interests are not that far so I decided to go for more proper trekking, which I wasn’t able to do in Munnar.

Day 20 (Wednesday, 08.01.2025)

After waking up I climbed up to the main town and I wanted to slown down a little bit and I sat at nice park, because just next day I wanted to go to the next place. But I actually didn’t know where to go next. The closest city from my list is Madurai, but I wanted to go there during pongal time to meet Haran’s friend and his sister, so I had big gap before Madurai to fill. Raj, Tamil guy, who I met in Varkala and whose advice lead me to Kodaikanal, suggested Coimbatore next, with Ooty, famous hill station being nearby. But I wasn’t sure about that, because it wouldn’t give me time for cities I wanted to visit - Kanyakumari and Pondicherry. Kanyakumari being somewhat closer, but Pondicherry being far on the east coast.

I tried to find any information about connections online, but it was frustrating experience and I couldn’t find anything that seemed sensible, so I become more anxious. I decided to do the next reasonable thing after online search - to go to the bus stand and ask about direct connections. Along the way I saw some travel agency so I asked about Pondicherry, but I wasn’t really satisfied with price rate. At the bus stand I saw nice timetable with all buses. There was one morning bus to Kanyakumari and two to Coimbatore, no direct connections to Pondicherry as expected. I decided on Kanyakumari in the end.

When I settled that I felt relieved to properly start my trekking without worries. I slowly kept moving up to point of interests, but along the way I saw kolam drawn on the street and next to it young woman in beautiful saree doing colorful rangoli in front of her house. She was in full gear, saree, jewelry, bells of her anklets jingling at any step she made. I asked if it’s okay to make photos and videos. People of the house didn’t mind so I did just that. Afterwards they invited me to their house. Everyone was nicely dressed and there were more people than normally would fit such a small house. It was literally just a bedroom with attached separate kitchen and wash room. As it was explained to me at some point, they had some sort of consecration of a new house here. So they made some little pooja over big assortment of various gifts and devotional items and pictures. So far I felt like I only peaked at the Hinduism here. Seeing temples mostly from the outside, but only few times entering them (although never inner chambers). I never knew what is exactly allowed and how should I behave.

People were coming and going, it seemed that there’s some other family house nearby. At some point I was left only with women who didn’t speak English and little boy dressed formally into veshti (mundu in Malayalam, veshti in Tamil). I wasn’t sure what to do with myself, while women were doing something, one singing some devotional song and they generally doing some cleanups of the house in the meantime. At some point someone speaking English returned and they wanted me to go to another house for a meal. I didn’t know how to refuse them and explained that I don’t eat non-vegetarian with additional requirement. They said that’s not the problem and lead me to another house. They put me in the room and little boy with his mother came too. They apparently quickly prepared pulao just for me. I tried to find word for “thanks” in Tamil, but only “nanni” from Malayalam was there. I peaked quickly at Google at it was similar - “nandri”. When I said that, the lady who spoke English and taken care of preparing food for me said that no need for “nandri”, because I’m like family. Such a hospitality is always overwhelming, I don’t think I can ever get used to that. One quick interesting point here was that the other house was filled with Christian devotional items. Was some intercaste marriage going here too?

When I left and looked at the map, I saw that the Guna Caves was opened only for some time now, so I tried to hurry up. It was also on the way with other points of interest. Along the way I saw barriers put by forest rangers. There were various instructions and commands written down on the barriers. One of them was “no walking allowed”. I couldn’t believe what I saw so I came over to rangers and asked if I really can’t enter. They confirmed that indeed I can’t enter on foot. I couldn’t understand the logic behind allowing cars and buses to certain areas of the forest, but not pedestrians.

I felt disappointed and didn’t have much to do with myself other than return to the town. On the way I thought that I’m not in a hurry so I can allow myself one more day here to do some organized tour and see all the most important things while already being here. I remembered that in Munnar the guy from the hostel said that except that government tourist bureau also state bus provider organizes something so I hoped that in Tamil Nadu it functions similarly. I went to just ask and indeed they were organizing tour next day. I chosen package with Guna Caves and was happy. The guy said that in the price they provide only bus tour and every entry I need to pay separately. I was used to that from Munnar already so I felt it’s good enough option.

After that I returned to the lake and roamed a little before going back to my room. I texted with Nicha a lot and I felt like it again will lead me to sleep deficit, especially because tour will start the next day morning, but I definitely didn’t want to stop with it.

Day 21 (Thursday, 09.01.2025)

At the morning I planned to be out of bed early to get to the town and eat some proper breakfast, before the tour. But because chatting with certain someone I didn’t really sleep much and went to the bus stand maybe not with a hurry, but I still didn’t have time for breakfast.

At the bus stand they pointed me to the bus that taken us for the tour. Group of Malayali guys entered with me and we started to chat. When I learned that they are from Kerala I joked that they want to reenact “Manjummel Boys”. Soon after group of Tamil guys entered, they were slightly bigger group than Malayalis. Speaking about whole tour in not chronological order, I could say that both of them were interested in hanging with me and doing photos together, but they kept separate, even though there was no language barrier (Malayalis were speaking Tamil). I felt like Archie that has to choose between Betty and Veronica, trying at first to engage with both of them, but I guess eventually I have been snatched by Malayalis. I wondered who under that metaphor would be Betty and who Veronica. In the end I decided that Malayali group was Veronica, being more outspoken and forceful with calling me to hang with them, while Tamils were more restrained. I always thought that I would choose Betty, but apparently I was proven wrong in the action.

Beginning of the tour covered what I already saw, but visibility under today’s weather was better so I finally could see what viewpoints actually have to offer. Next we crossed into the forest area that I wasn’t allowed to enter yesterday. Most of points of interest had separate entry fee, I was already aware about that so I wasn’t bothered. But it came out that I have to pay exactly ten times more for every entry as a foreigner. It wasn’t entirely new thing, I already saw it in few places before, but the price rate difference was plainly way bigger here than anywhere before. And I think what is worth pointing out that I’m not speaking here about street sellers that their wide range vary according to their judgment. It was fixed rate clearly written down, run by government institution. It wasn’t that big price, even in accumulation, but it left bitter taste in my mouth. One of Malayali guys was very protective of me and he was upset that I need to pay so much additionally. He even asked me to make some experiment - to ask at the stalls about prices, but it came out that price rates there were same for me.

Worth noting location among viewpoints was “Pillar Rock” viewpoint, with very scenic landscape and namesake huge mountain rocks. Another thing was “Pine Forest” which is actually very common type of forest in Poland, so when I entered it I already felt weird sensation of familiarity, not only through sight, but also through smell. It was intensive smell of familiar forest. But macaque monkeys running around provided element of defamiliarisation to otherwise very known sensory feeling of polish forests.

However, the biggest highlight of the tour were “Guna caves”, known by that name since old Tamil movie Guna with Kamal Haasan that was shot here. Previously it was known as “Devil’s Kitchen”. More recently though, it’s movie “Manjummel Boys” from just 2024 that brought fresh batches of tourists to it, me included. The place provides one of the best viewpoints, but also there’s characteristic tangle of roots running around the whole place where people mostly were doing photos. The caves themselves can be peaked at through bars, but not entered, as it’s too dangerous, which aforementioned movie is all about.

After the tour the Malayalis kept me close and we went to eat something and to the lake area afterwards. They were overexcited and wanted to try various things so we went for boat ride, we borrowed two seater bikes to go along the lake (and they were tired easily, no much experience with bikes) and they also opted for shooting with air-gun. After going around the stalls, talking with people and going for dinner, they went for the bus as they moved to the next hill station. It was fun to hang around with them for longer, because otherwise I wouldn’t try all that. The protective guy was very observant and he kept asking “Why the girls look at you like that? Why did she smile at you?” These are actually quite good questions, but I thought it’s quite funny to hear them from the guy who also gave me a lot of attention, curiosity and wanted to hang out with me as long as possible.

I returned to the room satisfied and ready to move to the next location. Experience of mountainous region was overall very different from what I expected and from what I know through lifetime experience of hiking in Polish-Czech-Slovak mountains. I felt that there’s still a lot of variety to explore, but it has to be left for another trip to India, because I planned to return to the coast. To Kanyakumari, the southernmost point of subcontinent.

Day 22 (Friday, 10.01.2025)

As I didn’t have much other sensible options, I taken taxi to the bus station. It was funny in a way that the price rate of ₹400 is basically the same I paid for whole bus ride to Kanyakumari, which is like overall 7 h long.

I was leaving the mountainous regions. I was quite satisfied, but I felt that it’s still so much to explore here. When we were driving through Madurai I felt weirdly that I am just passing through the city that was always on my priority list, but the way I wanted to spent here the pongal and meet with Haran’s contacts, it was still too early for the city. I wondered about the city, the only point of comparison being Ernakulam as the city sizes go, but the vibe was quite different.

At the bus stop in Madurai one hijra entered to ask for money and at first I didn’t want to give anything, but in the end I gave her ₹10 and she put hand on my head and made some blessings. Also some young woman with baby in the arms knocked to the window to me and asked for food. I couldn’t really look at her, but she was standing there for extending period of time and knocking sometimes. I remembered the words of guide woman from Fort Kochi that begging in Kerala is forbidden, so almost non existent with some exceptions where people try to do that in more hidden ways. It is hard to really make generalizations based on just handful of experiences I had, but during whole stay in Kerala I saw begging only few times and not really done in the open.

One notable thing that happened at the bus, but otherwise could be barely noticeable came after one of last major cities before Kanyakumari - Tirunelveli. New passengers entered and one girl sat next to me. Soon after when bus started to move again, ticket collector suggested her other seat at the window, next to the old lady. Although the only mode of transportation here I saw that follow certain gender separation were city buses in Kerala (although not very strictly, prone to some exceptions and adjustments), it was still significant that there’s perception for need of such suggestions.

I didn’t pay much attention to the landscape this time around, but it seems my impressions from first day in Tamil Nadu were confirmed. Ecosystem being more dry and scorched by the sun, with notable exception when we were approaching Kanyakumari, ecosystem looked more mixed, more Kerala-like with its lush greenery and water. Of course, it could be the case I just reinforce my previous assumptions, but satellite images pretty much confirm it. Around Kanyakumari I looked at the stunning huge rocks filling the landscape.

When I reached Kanyakumari my hotel was very close so fortunately I didn’t need any transport. I really have to take quick wash, so after registering myself in the hotel and refreshing myself I left to explore the town, but it was already dark. Again fortunately, hotel is very close to the main beach and all monuments so it was just short walk away.

Immediately after going out I felt again how warm is here even during evenings and nights. When I approached the main area I had completely different impression in comparison to other coastal cities. It was clearly pilgrimage center and everything that it brings with it. There were a lot of people going around in monochrome clothes, mostly groups claded in reds or others in black. It was groups of women who were dressed in red, and men in black, but there was some small mix ups. There were some men dressed in red among the women and some women and girls among black dressed men, especially relatives like daughters. Men were dressed in black mundu/veshti and often bare chested or black shirts and kurtas. Women were variously dressed in sarees or churidars, mostly depending on the age. Pilgrims was walking around barefoot.

When I reached just there, at the southernmost tip of India I immediately felt overwhelming emotions for some reason. There were a lot of going around, crowds of pilgrims and tourists (mostly internal, other Indians), stalls and sellers with their items laid down on the streets everywhere. And of course there were Thiruvalluvar statue and Vivekananda Memorial, two big monuments built on the small islands just on the shore.

I sat at the stairs-platforms leading to rocky beach and facing monuments. Obviously I have been approached and talked by many people. Group of pilgrims claded in black from Hyderabad talked with me for a bit and invited to go further to the rocks sticking out of the water. They were hit and lower ones often submerged by the waves. On the rocks one little girl followed me and pulled my shirt, at first I thought that maybe she’s daughter of one of the guys, but she was begging me for food or money. When I returned to the stairs, the people who just befriended me shoo little girl away. I wasn’t really in what language exchange happened, but they were Telugus and she responded to them lively and angrily before leaving me.

I spent little bit more time at the plaza with illuminated monuments at sight. I rounded the main temple there and then went to the connected promenade along the shore. My general impression was quite different than from other coastal cities with their beach night life. There were more stalls or simply items laid down on the ground, selling various trinkets, jewelry and clothes, but also plenty of practical stuff, like backpacks (yes, finally!). It wasn’t like Kochi that focused mostly on food or Varkala that advertised its hippie India to foreign tourists. It was definitely still touristic, but directed to pilgrims. There were more sellers that looked different, sometimes quite poor if I could guess, probably coming from different states too, sometimes in the evening sitting there across their stuff. Often with whole families, children, sleeping just there at the edge of the street.

I went to eat something and along the way older guy in uniform approached me and said that he’s “tourist officer”, gave me paper with invitation to some cultural program the next day in the morning. He said that it’s entirely free, it’s under auspices of Tamil Nadu government for promoting tourism and showcasing traditional pongal celebrations, so there’s no costs involved. He also asked about hotel name, to get me ride in the morning to the venue.

It actually sounded perfect. I was happy, because I arrived late to Kanyakumari today and I wanted to squeeze remaining time as much as possible.

Day 23 (Saturday, 11.01.2025)

I woke up earlier to prepare myself, but I still was somewhat surprised that someone knocked at my door punctually at 8 AM. I said that I need minute and quickly finished and left my room. We went by tuk tuk to the tourism office where they lead me to some room to sit. I wasn’t sure what’s going on and there were no other people, no other foreigners. Soon they led me to big general office room with TV and they launched series of videos promoting tourism in Tamil Nadu. Then they I returned to the first room where were two Brits this time. Someone asked if we want tea and I agreed. Brits asked me if I know what’s really going on, because people were coming in and out if the room, speaking something in Tamil, but nobody was explaining situation to us. Soon they brought also German guy and also gave him tea, but he didn’t have time to drink it, because quickly afterwards we were led to the car that suppose to take us to the proper place. The foreigners were laughing out of disbelief with disorganization, but they were willing to put out with it for awhile.

We arrived to a college and there were some preparations going on at the front gate area, but it was clearly still far from being prepared and not that much people were there. They led us to the college building and through corridors open to the inner courtyard full of tropical greenery. The way it looked like - architecture, design of space, shared offices of faculty, greenery - reminded me of college imagery I saw in South Indian movies, Premam being the most immediate association. They put us to some empty classroom, with only cleaning lady who was doing her duties unbothered by us. New foreigners were brought to the room, as much confused as us. At some point tourist officer entered the classroom energetically. No explanation was given, but everyone get packaged sandwich and bottle of water. However disorganized everything felt, I actually felt some sort of respect to the tourist officer, he was definitely trying his best however he could under circumstances.

After a while we were lead in return to the main gate area and this place somehow transformed so quickly. There were so many people gathered suddenly. Especially many female students in beautiful, colorful sarees and churidars making colorful kolam on sand. Every group of girls had little square for themselves and they were drawing their own design using colorful chalk and other natural ingredients. There were other decorations. Various offerings on the banana leaves, characteristic pots for pongal. I was going around doing photos of kolams, but then they wanted to place us in a way that we can be visible on photos, doing kolams supposedly on our own. Then guys with drums came and some kind of folk dance started. I talked with one Brit and he said that we’re here for publicity stunt. I enjoyed the program, but suddenly they dragged us to the gate, they put garlands at us, which were surprisingly heavy. Some car came and a lady came out of it, my guess is that she is local politician. They greeted us and made photos with us together, then lady went to inspect kolams and we were also put in positions convenient for photos. Some of foreigners left on their own, some other were asked if they want to leave. They asked me also if I want to stay here. I couldn’t understand if they want to take me to another place or back to hotel. I said that I want to stay, I hoped that if their program finished they will leave me alone and I could just walk on my own, talking with students, looking at what they do. But I was wrong.

At first it seemed that official program for us foreigners finished, so it will be like I hoped. It looked like I’m the only foreigner left. I made photo with group of excited student girls who were laughing that they can’t capture me with them, because I’m so tall. Even some professor lady wanted photo with me and she was visible excited. But then someone again dragged me to one point. It was small chalk circle on the sand and they put wooden stick into my hand and scarf around my eyes. In front of me, farther away, there was pot tied to the tree high above the ground. I wanted to protest, saying that I don’t know what to do, nobody was properly explaining, although the goal was rather straightforward. So I went blinded with the stick forward and when I approached the crowd started to cheer. They gave me some instructions, like few steps to the left, few steps forward. I felt stupid waving stick to the top, trying to feel where the pot is. With the cheering increasing I was able to find it. I investigated its position and then made one strong hit and that was enough. Water spilled on me, maybe it was coconut water.

That wasn’t the end of it. They put me in seats close to college entrance with other VIPs, the lady politician and all. I got some small packaged gift which was obviously heavy photographed. Then I was led to college halls and to the office of principal, they put me in front of the principal lady, gave me tea and again photographed. When I was relieved and left again to front gate area, I hoped that really, this time it’s the end of it. Some other tourist officer asked me if I want to stay here for longer. Yes, I wanted to stay longer, especially if now it’s just students doing their thing. I was looking how they started some sort of competition, my guess it was whose team will boil pongal in these pots first. But then the tourist officer taken me from the crowd and said that they will leave me at the hotel.

I didn’t have willpower to refuse, I really hoped to stay for longer, but without all that hassle, so I allowed to be taken away back. See, I’m already used to attention given to me, even sometimes if it’s from big groups. I don’t have problem when random people at the streets ask for photos. I’m even okay with people inviting me to their homes and giving me food. But when I am put on such a pedestal, when I got VIP status - that is when I feel my comfort zone boundaries were crossed. If staying here would mean more of that, then even reward of looking at how students are celebrating wouldn’t be enough.

After returning to the hotel I wanted to deal with practical matters first. I really needed laundry done and I asked hotel people where I could get it. They gave me instructions, but it led me to the street where someone was doing ironing in the open. I thought that maybe that’s good spot so I asked if they do laundry too. He said no, only ironing and give me card with address. I went there, it was not far, but not in immediate proximity either. Along the way I saw some shrine with snakes / Nagas.

When I was satisfied that this is settled, I went first to the church that I saw previous day on my way back to hotel, but it was closed then. Churches here seem beautiful, but usually minimalistic. The perception of simplicity could be deceitful. The perfect white of these churches is a big deal to sustain in this environment. At least for Kerala, the guide lady from Fort Kochi explained that the stain visible often at the walls and houses comes from huge humidity and if it’s not painted every year it will look like that.

I saw that there’s huge queue to the ferry that leads to the monuments on rock islands - Vivekananda Rock Memorial and Thiruvalluvar Statue. I decided to eat a lot before going and that was good decision. I got to the queue and just minute later there were a lot of people behind me. Just in front of me there was family with little girl. Did she just taken selfie with me without even asking? That seemed to be the case. Only much later she turned away to me and asked me about my name and other usual things. She was quite outspoken and her English was very good. I knew that it couldn’t be the case as with Mariah, she was definitely younger, but age was deceptive and I couldn’t really assess on my own. She said that soon she will have 13th birthday. They turn out to be malayali family so we vibed quickly over topic of my travels in Kerala. She later on become protective towards me (I think I see some pattern here) and didn’t allow anyone to get ahead of me in the queue. I quickly become fond of her and few times in the queue people assumed that I’m with her family. Another friendship I made in the queue was freshly made married couple. Tired looking guy came to me and asked if I would allow his wife, only his wife, not even him, to enter queue here next to me, she apparently had some problem with her leg. I don’t remember how exactly I responded, but what I intended to say was that probably it’s not my decision to make, because there are a lot of people behind. Somehow, he understand me as if I gave my permission and his wife limped towards me. She thanked me and I felt embarrassed, because I didn’t really gave them kindness, but they interpreted it that way. She understandable didn’t want to go without her husband so I called him. If she entered queue in middle way, I didn’t see the reason why he couldn’t join her too. They stroke me as a little clumsy, but definitely sympathetic. They were from Uttarakhand, or at least one of them. The queue felt like forever, even when we entered the building of the ferry service, then went through ticket counter. At the ticket counter I was separated with the malayali family, service people were allowing to enter people only in batches. I joked that I was separated with my little friend and North Indian couple even asked me if I cry (I guess I wasn’t facing them so they didn’t see my face, but I still had a little bit running nose, so maybe that’s why they interpreted that way). I explained that was just a joke and I just met her in the queue. After passing ticket counter it came out that the queue is still long, it was leading through long corridors with interesting architecture. I had impression like the queue never ends, but landscape of it changes all the time. I already started to spurn in the imagination short surrealist story about never ending queue.

Finally we went through the ferry to Vivekananda Rock Memorial. It came out that newly opened glass bridge connecting it with Thiruvalluvar Statue rock island is under maintenance so I couldn’t go there, but it was so close that it felt like almost being there either way. I was going around, visiting memorial, mandir and also looking at the landscape. It was already late so I spent there quite long time waiting for the sunset. I have been feeling that it was nice and beautiful here so it was worth the wait either way. I made also photos with my friends from the queue. Little girl and her brothers and also with North Indian couple.

After return to the mainland I made my usual routine of roaming around, I spent some time in the beaches (if they could be called like that, they are quite rocky and small) and on the promenade eating snacks. I asked around about prices of backpacks, I was feeling I’m done with my trolley bag and I need it.

Back in hotel I knew that I have plan to wake up early to see the sunrise, but I couldn’t resist to chat with Nicha longer than it seemed reasonable. Kanyakumari is described as a place when you can see both sunrise and sunset from the sea and it’s famous for that.

Day 24 (Sunday, 12.01.2025)

I woke up very early for the sunrise and went to the spot described as sunrise spot. Along the way I saw that there are a lot of people at the streets already. When I reached the spot I understood that huge crowds are gathering there in the early morning to see the famous sunrise.

Brother of the little girl from yesterday contacted me through Instagram and apparently they were also there, but crowd was so big that it was hard to find each other. We waited for the morning, but cloud cover was so big that we all waited long until it was already bright morning, but sun still wasn’t visible. The brothers’ of the girl found me, but she or their parents weren’t with them. We talked for a bit and interesting thing is that only one of them was speaking English, the other was asking for translation - and the first one didn’t have the same level of English as his younger sister. Later on when I was returning to hotel I met her again. She spotted me and run towards me to say hello. They were leaving Kanyakumari now.

I still had to deal with returning laundry and after that I had whole day to deal with the rest of places, big monuments and huge queue to them covered yesterday. I visited Gandhi Memorial first, then went to the main temple complex of the town - Sri Kanniyakumari Amman Temple. I was crossing close by it many times, but wasn’t sure about entering before, but now I was determined. There were signs that men are not allowed in upper garment. I went through queue and take off my shirt along the way. It felt strange and little bit like revealing myself. I was thinking about the news I had in Kerala about some movement or some comments recently made about banning this practice of obligatory shirt removal - there are some caste connection, as it makes visible what necklaces you wear that it could reveal your belonging. It was definitely beautiful place, but little dark there. Not only in the sense of lack of light or walls being made out of darker rock, but it was general feeling I had. I didn’t know how to behave so I just observed what others are doing and passing through the corridors. It was definitely interesting experience, but it feels like there’s always commercialization around more famous temples. On the way inside you can buy various things for offerings or materials for tilaka and I didn’t know what I suppose to take or if anything is obligatory.

Next I went to something described as Vivekananda Kendra on the map. You enter it by crossing huge gate and at first it looks like university campus, then it looks more like retreat - meditation center (and as far as I understand, it is something like that exactly) and then it changes into something like well maintained park. Especially in that last part there were not much people there. While I was walking there, with barely any people visible, among chirping birds and roaming peacocks, I get some thought. In India there’s very little space as tranquil as this one. Everything seems to happen along the streets and because pedestrian lanes barely exists - and if they exist they are either way occupied by something like parked motorbikes, seller stands etc. As much as I enjoy constant chatter and joy of life of people here, it was nice to have little time to rest in peaceful environment. At the end of it I reached the ocean and I went into some low dry grass that had something like big seeds with spikes that just covered my chappals so much and so deep that I actually felt it through them. I had to pick them up one by one when I left it. Suddenly bus of North Indian tourists appeared and older men wanted photo with me, but women were too shy.

I decided that there’s not much left to see for me in Kanyakumari, so I went for a brief swimming at the tip of India. The beach is rocky and so there’s many rocks under the surface and in effect I had to be careful. Sunset was coming and sun was visible almost to the horizon, but there were clouds above the horizon, so sunset at the ocean wasn’t exactly visible, but the view was still very nice.

Last thing that I did before leaving to my hotel was buying backpack. I wasn’t entirely sure if I should that, because I felt it’s tail end of my trip. But in the end I decided for that, because backpacks here were cheap, I felt done with my trolley bag and there were still few trips ahead of me.

Day 25 (Monday, 13.01.2025)

I wanted to go for an early bus to Madurai, but it was so close to the sunrise time that I decided to wake up earlier to try once more to catch it. Somehow I managed to pack everything from trolley bag to new touristic bag. I went to the sunrise spot and already at this point I felt how heavy is my new backpack. There was certain reason why to take trolley bag, even though I’m still of the opinion that backpack is more suitable to uneven terrain of India and kind of trip I have with changing my location often. I was almost ready to leave the spot to hurry to my early bus, because I saw that there are clouds low at the horizon. Just before I wanted to leave, the sun started to appear and the crowd cheered the occasion loudly.

I went to the bus stand and it was already after bus to Madurai apparently left. I got some instructions that there’s no direct bus to Madurai, but I could get there by one transfer. While leaving Kanyakumari I was paying attention to beautiful landscape cropped with monumental rock mountains, but otherwise landscape blended in my mind with everything what I saw other times while traveling through Tamil Nadu.

I left at the big bus stand that on the map looked like being very close to my hotel. And indeed it wasn’t very far, around 2 kilometers, but walking with whole baggage, in the beating sun, was a little daunting, but out of stubbornness I didn’t want to take any tuk tuk. My hotel room was quite small, but good enough.

I contacted Harini, Haran’s sister (yey, cute matching name; Haran is my Tamil friend from Poland). I had some time before she was free to meet, so as usual I didn’t want to waste the time after the travel and left the hotel. I checked what’s interesting in reasonable proximity and decided for Gandhi’s museum. I just was recently in Gandhi’s mandir in Kanyakumari, but it didn’t deter me. There was some renovations going around, but there was still things open there. Gallery, with Gandhi’s life presented, similar to Vivekananda museum I saw in Kanyakumari. There were also Gandhi’s ashes grave and reconstructed Gandhi’s house from some period and it was interesting to see on its own. I roamed for a while in the memorial bookstore, but didn’t decide on anything.

Harini supposed to come there and I didn’t really know how to recognize her, but I found on WhatsApp her photo. It end up being rather confusing, because on photo she had long hair, but currently she has short ones. She came in the car with other person and as it came out he’s Shiva, Haran’s friend who supposed to take me to his village after two days. I expected that he will be in Madurai only next day. I learned that they didn’t know each other before, they met just today.

Harini has big eyes, so common for ladies in South India, and short hair, so uncommon - in effect striking combination. Through her few remarks I felt that she displays healthy scepticism, exactly like her brother. Another impression was little dose of melancholy, but with warm character. Taking into account her profession as medical doctor I couldn’t help, but compare her to particular fictional character - Shani, as depicted in Witcher 3 DLC Heart of Stone.

Shiva was very talkative, willing to explain various details that we saw when we visited one temple. I learned about yali - mythological hybrid creatures that are carved into pillars of South Indian temple. According to some people’s beliefs, they actually existed in the past, but there is no scientific proof for that - Shiva explained. He explained that the bull facing the temple is Nandi, mount of Shiva (the god, not the friend) and guardian of Shiva’s temples.

After visit in a temple we sat at the small wall circling lake that Harini described as her favorite spot in the city, where she often unwind after the work. She said that I can use her phone for making photos of this place. It become dark already and colorful lights were beautifully reflected in the surface of the water. The difference between photos taken from my phone and hers were staggering, so I thought how much more I could capture during whole trip with better camera.

After that we went to restaurant that looked quite fancy, but Shiva, knowing polish realities (he lives in Warsaw, that’s how he met Haran and he speaks quite well polish too), joked that for barely 40 złoty, even less, we had feast for 3 people and everyone is filled. Our food was like creative variation on common staple foods from South India, but everything was amazing, even side dishes, every chutney was great. They explained that Madurai is famous for its cuisine, especially for its non-vegetarian, so one of items I taken was veg dosa that originally is made with chicken, but here they used soya chunks instead.

They got me back to my hotel. Harini said that she has work and can’t guide me during the day and can meet only in the evening. She found me guide instead, her friend Hari who will take me for a ride to some temples next day.

Day 26 (Tuesday, 14.01.2025)

In the morning Hari, Harini’s friend, came to take me for a ride. He was on a motorbike so I had yet another trip on it in India. I didn’t expect that he will take me so far out of Madurai so it was in the same time the longest ride so far, although in the flat terrain.

So far I didn’t dwell on one specific topic, but I think this time it’s good moment to touch it. Around Madurai I noticed more garbage lying around everywhere around the roads and farther. The reason I didn’t cover that topic is because I feel that Kerala and Tamil Nadu so far also, were relatively clean. It’s not the level of Poland, especially there are some pockets full of litter, but it’s not what is commonly associated with India. Yet here I couldn’t ignore this completely.

We reached one temple that looked monumental with rock mountains in the background - 18 Padi Karuppasamy Temple. There were a lot of pilgrims and a lot was going on. We rounded up the area and entered what we could. It was my first temple of such scale and that was the reason why I came here to Madurai. We couldn’t enter inside and I didn’t fully understand the reason. Is it because it opens only at certain time or is it generally closed? Either way we went to some queue for a blessings.

After that he said that we will go to the next temple and above there are stairs leading up on the mountain which we could climb. We went there and actually passed Madurai again. Along the way in Madurai we stopped to see one church, which has typical clean aesthetic for churches here. When we reached to the temple - Shri Arulmigu Subramaniya Swami temple - it was closed. But actually we could still enter inside to the outer parts, where a lot of people were sitting, resting, waiting. After some time when I was satisfied with observing it, we went for the stairs up to the mountain. At the gate Hari, his friend and the policeman who was at the gate had some discussion in Tamil. Thanks to bits in English and after the fact explanation, I know that they were talking that they shouldn’t take me above certain level, despite of the fact that locals were going at the top all the time. Policeman also asked if I’m transgender since I have long hair, they didn’t translated that part of conversation to me so I asked them directly what was that talk about transgender. I was climbing quickly, Hari somewhere just behind me, but his friend slugged behind. Eventually they said that we shouldn’t go further, because it’s apparently too dangerous for foreigner to go, according to policeman, but good enough for whole families with children.

Hari taken me back to Madurai. He had to go for work or other duty and he was concerned if he should leave me at my hotel, because otherwise how would I return to my hotel, it wasn’t comprehensible for Indian mind that it could be walkable distance for me. I insisted on leaving me at the center, close to Meenakshi Amman temple, because it was still early. He left me there, but said that later on I should call him so he could drop me back to my hotel. I wandered around looking for something to eat, but somehow I couldn’t find anything sensible for lunch for a long time in proximity, while it started raining. It wasn’t short, barely noticeable rain as I experienced once on the trip to Jatayu’s statue. It rained for longer, but still it was warm rain and going in T-shirt was fine.

Situation at Meenakshi Amman temple at first didn’t give me much hope. It’s in a way the main monument to see in Madurai, so I was little concerned. First issue was that the towers were covered with wooden skeletal construction, for renovation purposes. Second was that there were huge queues leading to entrances. This problems came out to be quite moot, because towers, however characteristic, are just gates leading to huge complex where there is a lot to see otherwise. And for the queues, there was separate queue to every gate (each for four cardinal directions) and some had any barely queue. So after leaving backpack, chappals and phone at the gate (which weren’t allowed inside) I entered. At ticket counter I saw that there are two types of tickets, one ₹100 and ₹50 other. Obviously I wanted to see everything possible so I wanted the more costly one, but couldn’t understand ticket lady. Indian family that was also buying tickets helped me and I got ₹50 ticket. I didn’t understand why I got automatically that one, but I didn’t feel like arguing. We entered courtyard and started to go around. I have been keeping close to the family that helped me at the counter, because I already felt at loss where I suppose to go. They explained to me that the big queue is for free entry and since I already bought the ticket they will help me found my smaller queue.

Going around the courtyard barefooted, on wet warm stones was surprisingly pleasant. While we were going around courtyard there was some procession moving in opposite direction to us. Among them there was decorated elephant. I had mixed feelings in that moment. I know that domestication and training process is ugly, but I couldn’t help and being awestruck seeing that creature so up close just passing by me. It was so close that I could reach it with my hands if I would want. We entered some area where courtyard blended with area with the roof and there was smaller, but serpentine queue for us, leading among monumental pillars with yalis on it. It went surprisingly quickly and we entered crowd, but for some reason guards lead me to other direction that the family. Nobody was explaining it to me, but when later I asked directly some guard explained me that I couldn’t go to the innermost chamber where yet another big queue was leading.

It’s good moment to explain how South Indian Hindu temples are, at least from the perspective of such an onlooker add me. As much as I tried to educate myself on historical and philosophical aspects and development of religion in India, I was mostly ignorant about its practical and ritualistic side, so it’s what I could gather by simply observing for the limited time. They are absolutely not like Christian churches, just with characters from one religion replacing the other. They are more like whole complexes, with tower gates, walls, courtyards, smaller buildings, inner temples and many smaller shrines dedicated to various gods or their various manifestations. Buildings seamlessly blend into each other, so there’s perception that you are not leaving courtyard in way go through precise doors, but slowly move into area that is more enclosed until you’re in the inside.

At first it looked very labyrinthine for me, but with time I started to understand outline better when I tried to cover as much available area to me as possible. There were signs like “Below this point non-Hindus not allowed” or “No entry to foreigner” at innermost chamber entrances. It was disappointing, but I still had a lot to see everywhere else. Whole area, especially the encapsulated one felt really atmospheric, little dark, especially when it started to be literally dark outside and I kept trying to notice as much interesting things possible. While I could recognise certain characters or scenes, most of it remained mystery to me. Statues of various characters were crowded everywhere, character standing by the next one, never anyone getting full spotlight, except closed shrines were proper gods reside. Statues were usually painted in bright, vivid colors - if not, sculptures in brown stones were adding more to impression of darkness, despite of good lighting and candles everywhere.

One observation struck me when I was in more crowded area, where people were sitting and eating (because temples could sell food inside, you see). It’s not really observation about this place, but rather about my place, Poland. It sounds absurdly simple observation to make about your own culture suddenly. It is weird to spell it out, but here it is: in Poland adult people, especially elderly, don’t sit directly on the ground, with exception if there is some elevation like steps or stairs. I scanned my lifetime memories and I think it’s quite accurate assessment. I think I always knew that to some degree, always feeling that there’s something youthful when I sit on the ground cross-legged. I think that thought bugged me here for a long time here subconsciously. I tried to fit it into my mind for a long time and maybe I thought it’s sign of poor, but I don’t think it’s the case. It’s common here and it is quite practical in warm climate.

I strolled around the available area, trying to cover whatever I could, at some getting good sense of the layout. I didn’t feel like I could see everything, even if I would spend whole day. Without my phone I lost the sense of time and only after some time I realized that Hari or Harini could be trying to contact me. I was already quite satisfied, feeling that Meenakshi Amman temple, even with it limited to me area, is one of quintessential experiences of my trip. I decided to made few more rounds before leaving the temple.

After leaving I contacted Hari and Harini and they came for me. They ordered motorbike ride for me, them going by two on Hari’s bike. Ordering motorbike as passenger was new to me, but it weirdly makes sense here. We ate in another great restaurant and I felt that if Madurai indeed has good reputation for its food, it’s very justifiable from what I was able to taste so far. I had to say goodbye to Harini, because it was last time seeing her according to plan. I felt like I didn’t really have much time to get to know her, but she seemed like sort of person I wish I could know better. I returned to hotel with eagerness for the next day, when I’ll see Shiva’s village.

Day 27 (Wednesday, 15.01.2025)

I packed my mundu, dressed into nice shirt and went to bus stand to go to Shiva’s village. Correct bus was easy to find, but it was very crowded. I had to stand in very crowded corridor for a while, but one father taken his daughter to his lap in effect giving me space, even though I was sitting next to three boys that occupied two seats together.

I waited just a little at the bus stand when Shiva’s came on motorbike to pick me up. His village was some distance away, bus stand being just the closest bigger town. He was already explaining things on motorbike, but I usually have trouble to hear words properly on motorbike.

In the village I was welcomed by boy who was already waiting for me, eager to meet foreigner. We entered the house and welcomed everyone. They prepared meal specifically for me, knowing that I’m vegan, sparing me the trouble with explanations. There were of course introductions and multiple photo sessions with me. Shiva taken me out of the house to show me around. His family apparently had not one or two houses around, but whole neighboring complex of houses belonging to his relatives so I have been introduced to multiple sisters, brothers, uncles and aunts, especially because it was festive time at which relatives come back, whoever lives in different places. We went for a tour around family houses, I tried little bit cricket for the first time, it was some simplified home ruled version, so I just tried to hit the ball by the bat, but my ball always were caught which means I wasn’t particularly good. Relatives were apparently often asking if I’m a guy or a girl, my hair being confusing enough, and they were joking that if I would be girl I would be good match for Shiva.

After that we went to Shiva’s mother village and it was similar story. Going around houses, being introduced to relatives, although this time it was just a few houses. Shiva told that we would need to spend whole day like that if he would like to visit everyone. At this village we went to the place where they were keeping bulls ready just before jallikattu or its local version. They had painted horns and were decorated by scarfs or other way. It was in a way interesting to see, but for moral reasons I’m not big fan of it.

We get to return to the first village. Along the way we went to see village temple that is at the border of the village and signify its end and also various fields and coconut farms that belongs to his family. On the way we saw gathered crowd, women with beautiful sarees, men in dhotis. I didn’t understand what was the reason for the gathering, because Shiva was telling that festivities will start only later. Certain areas were described as belonging commonly to the whole village, no one person in particular. They are cultivated together and profit out of it is used to improve the village. He showed me also big tree square at the center of the village where, as he said, all village disputes take place.

We returned to the first family house and the lunch was already prepared. It was great food, served on banana leaf, with multiple sides. They wanted to sit me on the chair until Shiva asked directly if I would be comfortable on the ground. I didn’t have a problem although I must admit that when I sit cross-legged on the floor, not on more soft ground, my ankles hurt a little, I’m not sure if I could sit somehow more comfortable. I really staffed myself, but typically they wanted to give me more. With Shiva we went to separate room to dress in our dhoti, as I asked him to help me, because last time it was hard to do on my own. He shown me some method that looked very simply, simpler than what I used at the wedding and he tied it around me like that. It felt secure and I didn’t have impression that it could untie easily on me.

Before going to festivities we went to his father house. It was just in front of the first, it was smaller and not that well kept. Shiva said that he doesn’t feel like spending money on it while not living in it much. I talked with his father and he was telling about his grandfather who worked in Burma. Apparently a lot of people of this family were going to work and live in Singapore or Southeast Asian countries, Shiva being the first who chosen direction of Europe. It is interesting how long global history and geography influence such a personal histories. Malayalis and Tamils being so close in terms of language, culture and geography, being separated only by Western Ghats, but the first ones having long history with Gulf countries and second ones with Southeast Asia instead. At this point while we were talking I was thinking that women are not with us for the most time, only to serve us. However I wpould want to deny, it’s not that dissimilar in Poland, but here it was even more apparent. It was amplified by one of Shiva’s father explanations. He said that there’s certain small village tax that in this household are paid only by two people - married men. Shiva will be paying when he will get to be married.

We finally went to the village center, under the tree that disputes happen, as I learned previously. And indeed one dispute was going just right now. It taken me moment to realize how serious that dispute is and people of both sides looked like if they want to kill each other. There were police among the crowd and one small policewoman separated some people and started to scream at them while her colleagues where recording people’s dispute. However serious that was, I couldn’t help, but smile inside - and hold myself from smiling outside. It looked like I stepped into the set of one of the movies I watched, with all the arguing and fighting. Shiva explained that this whole big fight was over some petty issue like which side of the village would release the bull as first. I also learned later that this whole village in-fighting started already 18 years ago and it could be reignited by any small issue. Upon learning all of that it reminded me movies even more, especially “Mandela” with the setup of two sides of the village fighting and over blowing every small issue into big dishonor and harm done by the other side.

Little boys of the village wanted to talk with me and they barely paid attention to the fight. The boy of Shiva’s family was bragging that I’m his friend. I sat at the elevation where central tree is and I learned that I suppose to remove chappals as it is considered temple. I made some photographs in dhoti, specifically to send to Nicha, because I knew how much she liked that I was wearing it at the wedding.

As much as I enjoyed seeing the fight at first, I hoped that it won’t escalate or that we will leave this place before that will happen. We did just that and we went to the temple/shrine - one of many in the village or it was at least the one of this side. At the moment pongal was almost done and then soon pots were removed from the space. I learned that the space between two houses that leads to the shrine is already considered part of it so I should leave my sandals before entering.

I spent there a lot of time, talking with relatives and villagers, while waiting for proper ceremonies to happen. One man said that I shouldn’t put black shirt for today, as it’s not good luck and every men was wearing white ones or at least colored, but in lighter tones. In the meantime, banana leaves were put where pots were and they started to put some sort of gifts. They made two circles with bananas, put coconut outside and started to pour pongal to the circles. After that they brought more dishes and pour them over the pongal and started to mix everything together. Unfortunately for me, they pour a lot of ghee on it, rendering it non vegan so I couldn’t join. As Shiva explained, every household brought their own dishes and they mixed it in order for everyone to eat it afterwards equally. It was symbol of unity of people of the village, even though reality of fighting and split clashed with symbolism in my mind.

As the new mixed dish was created, it was put on hold until something happens. Shiva explained that there will be some rituals and there will be some possessions by gods. We were waiting for a long time and apparently everything was going late, apparently due to the conflict. Shiva was vanishing somewhere and appearing again so I was left with cousins and other relatives. Finally after long time we heard some procession, but it was halted at some other shrine. Some very energetic man with weird close came to the shrine with others accompanying him. He was behaving very erratically, he was doing some back and forth movement and was calling the possessed individual. At least at first I interpreted that he is some sort of priest or shaman that is calling the god to the shrine. He was also agitating crowd to call him too and women were doing funny sounds with their tongue which I saw before only some kids doing, but here I saw old and young ladies doing that with full seriousness. Little later I learned that he wasn’t priest, but also possessed, the brother of the other one. Soon procession came more fully to the agitating brother-god and brought with them possessed woman. She was very aggressive and it looked like people tried to contain her, especially women tried to put her in place, she didn’t enter the shrine. The next possessed came and crowd covered him from every side, trying to argue with him or bargain something from him. Whole situation looked quite wild and I didn’t know how much of it was planned and how much was done as it unfolded. At some point the possessed brothers left, but the woman stayed at our place. They handled her and eventually she started to give blessings. Mostly women were left here and mostly them were coming for blessings. One of the cousins asked if I want to come to her too. I wasn’t sure, but she encouraged me. Then I saw how the possessed women hit other woman in the chest with opened hand and started to say something angrily. The other woman reacted rather stoically, waiting for the end of her outburst. Cousin said that I shouldn’t be afraid and she won’t do that to me. I think someone in fact was explaining something on my behalf before I came to her. She calmly gave me little tower made out of paste or ashes at my hand which I supposed to apply at my forehead. I don’t remember what is the material of that paste, but I’m sure someone said it to me. Camphor? Sandalwood? Something else?

Interesting thing for me was that the possessed woman at moments looked like she calmed down, but she had again some outbursts. So after the finish, I couldn’t notice any clear moment when she stopped being possessed. She simply rested at the corner. Another thing was with the agitating brother who was brought to the shrine again and left without weird turban and other accessories, apparently not possessed anymore. When it happened, although it was already late and the mixed dish get to be cold at this point, they finally could eat it. They started to distribute it, mostly through pots which they were giving to each household. I didn’t eat, but I participate in some sort of blessing of the food where we were coming, doing some gestures around the fire and food. Interestingly, the first ones came men and no seniority overruled it. Ladies came only when men generally finished, although I was brought by ladies to perform it too.

Everyone was leaving and we returned to the house with Shiva. We undressed from dhoti and left with goodbyes. We didn’t have much time for my bus so I hopped on a motorbike and Shiva gave me a lift. When we arrived at the station my bus was already leaving so I literally jumped into it. It was so crowded that I had to stand for the most part of the journey. I really felt that today was unique experience, one of highlights of my Indian trip. While I returned to Madurai I went for close restaurant that I get to like at this point and then for sleep.

Day 28 (Thursday, 16.01.2025)

My initial plan for this day was to travel to Pondicherry, but Hari convinced me that I should visit Keeladi excavation site. It was indeed something that sounded interesting, but I didn’t know how to find bus if I try to visit Keeladi and then only to Pondicherry, because it is very far and I knew it will be more complicated. Hari said that he will find night bus for me which sounded good. But because it was night bus I had to leave my baggage safe before, so I tried to explain it in English in my hotel that I want check-out, but I want to leave the baggage until afternoon. They had to call manager who could understand me, but I wasn’t actually sure if he understood me, but hotel staff showed me where to leave baggage so it was apparently settled.

Because he supposed to pick me in the afternoon I felt that I have enough time to stroll around Madurai to visit whatever was left to see. Most smaller temples were closed at this time of day so I could see only outside, but there was palace - Thirumalai Nayyakar Palace - that I still didn’t visit. It was really interesting from the architecture point of view. It looked a little like Mediterranean architecture, Italian or maybe even Greek, but it was definitely influenced by local Dravidian style or maybe also some North Indian styles. I was looking around for a while, but my attention was drawn eventually to the show that was going on at the corner of the palace. It was mix of acrobatic feats display with music, theater and pongal motifs like bull costumes that I already saw on the campus in Kanyakumari.

When I left palace I contacted Hari. It came out that there were some problems at his work and he had to come to work, because he planned to have free day or at least afternoon. He worried how I will get to Keeladi and he wanted to organize some transport for me, but I assured him that I will find my way. I went to the bus stand, different than the close to my hotel, and asked around for Keeladi bus. When I asked around, a policeman decided to help me. It wasn’t clear for me at first that he’s police, because he wasn’t in uniform. But he said “wait, I will just take my stick”. He went with me through whole station, along the way he poked someone sleeping at the ground with his stick. I wasn’t sure what were the rules, because it’s not uncommon case I saw of people sleeping or begging here. He chatted with me for a while, explaining that now bus conductors have a break so I need to wait a little.

When I boarded the bus, someone explained to me that there’s no direct buses to Keeladi, but this one is going to the village close to it, so I could take the cab from there. They also explained bus conductor where I supposed to go. At the village, I didn’t really want to take tuk tuk, despite one desperately calling me, knowing that I’m heading to Keeladi. It was still pongal time and it was seen from decorations and kolams. At one spot I saw gathering around provisional game area where group of boys were playing kabaddi while villagers of all ages were observing the game. People called me and I asked about the game. They asked me about name and my country and I think soon there were speakers saying about me, something about Poland. They asked me if I want to play, but I tried to explain that I know the name of the game, but not really the rules. When I was leaving, group of children were running after me to say bye. I thought that’s it, but the same children returned again to say bye again. They were so excited and I thought that if any foreign tourists visit Keeladi, they probably just pass their village by tuk tuk or other way. That’s why I avoid taking tuk tuks, not only because it spare me spending too much money. To see what otherwise would be unseen if I would opt to jump from point of interest to point of interest.

First I reached the museum, which was some distance away from excavations. As soon as I bought the ticket they hurried me to the movie hall which was already full and they closed the door when I entered. A mother taken her daughter on the lap in order to make space for me. Movie was short introduction to the Keedali excavation site with whole context of antique history of South India, with little pieces of Tamil pride thrown into the mix. After the movie two people asked me if I’m here as scholar, but I explained that disappointingly I’m here just as a tourist. I was the only foreigner there, but I wasn’t sure if that was enough for making that assumption.

Museum consisted of group of smaller buildings with thematic exhibition revolving around ancient history and artifacts found in Keeladi. There was pottery, jewelry, coins, tools and everything in between. I really loved going around and looking at the objects and explanations. Often there were quotes from Sangam poetry which is big source for understanding history of the region and artifacts found. In the middle of the building was big and beautiful garden, full of plants with information given about their position in the context of Sangam literature. I think it wasn’t blooming time for most of them, because there were no flowers like on the pictures.

After museum I went for the excavation themselves. It consisted of open roof covering group of huge square holes. Most of the artifacts found were in museum or other places, but it was still possible to see elements of pottery sticking out of the ground in the holes and such things. It was interesting in itself, but didn’t take much time to see what there is to be seen.

I wanted to return to the village where I was dropped before by bus. I grabbed some pani puri and black coffee (these sleep deficits) along the way. Some older guy on motorbike said that bus stand in the village I’m going to doesn’t work at this time and he taken me on the ride into Madurai direction, dropping at some bus stand. I went for one bus and started big conversation with one guy who helped me explain to bus conductor where I want to go. I have been absorbed by conversation so much that I almost missed my stop. I roamed around Madurai center, around Meenakshi Amman Temple, just to absorb for the last time the atmosphere of the place, look at the pilgrims and when I was satisfied and tired enough I went back to the direction of my hotel. I eaten something at my usual place, trying new things.

I returned to the hotel and gathered my things. It was like open roofed area of the hotel and I had to wait for Hari so I stayed there. I was beaten by mosquitoes so much that I started to move around, because my feet and ankles were already full of bites. Eventually Hari called me and said that he ordered taxi for me, but he will came to bus stand to assist me. Taxi dropped me close to the bus stand, but in opposite way. It was closing in to the time I saw on the ticket and Hari was still not here. I was getting anxious, not knowing if I should find the bus on my own. He came and said that bus started at different place and it’s stuck in the traffic so there’s still time. When it came I said goodbye to Hari, written one more goodbye to Harini and entered bus.

It was bus with sleeper seats. Completely new experience for me, as I never traveled in something like that. I texted with Nicha for some time, but it was getting late and I didn’t have much time left so I decided to go to sleep. The bed wasn’t that big for my legs, but somehow I managed to sleep for some time.

Day 29 (Friday, 17.01.2025)

After sleeping in the sleeper I felt like my body is in little pain at some places, but at least I slept a little bit. I had full day ahead of me as we came to Pondicherry just before 6 AM. I decided that I need to roam a little bit, before I will knock at my next stay’s door. My first destination was the beach as it wasn’t far, but still some tuk tuk tried to convince me to get me somewhere. Of course even the little distance with my baggage was quite tiring.

As I was going along the streets I immediately felt different vibe of the place. Architecture was different and many locals - restaurants or stays advertised themselves accordingly. Streets were empty at the time, but still I managed to hear French from tourists (or residents maybe?). There were even street signs, which I never saw in India (at least in uniform manner) and they were called “rue” from French and often after French personalities. I was excited to see sea again after Madurai. I realized that coastal areas became my comfort zone here in India which maybe would be quite surprising for me before the trip. I thought that I’ll manage before the sunrise, but when I reached the beach it was already bright.

I sat at the bench, unloaded my baggage and looked around. There was quite a lot of people for such an early time. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, here in India even not much people at places like that means quite a lot. Soon someone came and sat beside me on the bench and tried to sell me some trinket, but after I refused multiple times with smile he gave up. It was beautiful beach, although it is actually rocky coast, but there is nice promenade bordered by pretty, charming buildings.

After the rest I went along the promenade. There were nice looking restaurants, but also bakeries. On some government buildings I could spot French alongside Tamil, but English was also prominent, actually more so on practical signs. I saw group of scouts training some drills, apparently for some occasion. It wasn’t only scouts, but also schoolchildren in school uniforms. There were also group of soldiers or police doing some ceremonial drills at Gandhi statue standing at the coast. I wasn’t sure if it was also training or actual thing.

To cover some time before going for my stay, I went to look for some restaurant. I found one with beautiful entry full of greenery. At this time they had only basic breakfast items, but either way I just wanted to fill my stomach. After that I visited one nice looking church and I even found picture of Polish Pope put into some corner. I knew that I need to go for the stay, I couldn’t properly roam through the town carrying the baggage so I decided to go to my stay even though it was just 8 AM. This time I decided to go for single bed in dormitory option. Normally I was always taking single rooms for myself, but still budget friendly, but this time I felt I could try that, because single rooms were either too expensive or didn’t satisfied me as regular hotels. I registered and left my baggage at dormitory. It was dark and some people were still sleeping there. Before I left I decided to drink some tea as the stay were serving it. I was listening to conversation in French between French girl who were staying in dormitory and some local man from hotel. I wanted to add something and try at least a little bit of French, but didn’t found courage and opportunity. I went for quick bath and formed some imaginary conversation in French in my head, but when I left nobody was in corridor already.

I decided to simple roam around Pondicherry without specific plan. Just to go from one closest attraction to another. I discovered that I started to be more confident entering Hindu temples and I went into habit of making photos and not insides, as it’s generally forbidden, even if there are exceptions I rarely make inside. In one of them, full of various Ganapati (Ganesha) version statues, payasam was distributed, but since it was made with milk I didn’t take it. I didn’t really want to go to any queues for blessings or other rituals so I simply went around looking at statues and people. There were many characters represented in statues, but Ganapati was most prominent. There was whole row of Ganapati statues in every color, pose and version.

I went next for Aurobindo Ashram. It was calm place, despite of the crowd. The most interesting place there for me was bookshop though. I wasn’t exactly interested with these specific books, mostly written by or about Aurobindo, but there were books in many languages, including some obscure European, but I didn’t find anything polish. I visited also some very nice park. In a way it reminded me some more prettier parks in Warsaw, but there were obvious differences, like tropical plants or the fact it was rather more densely decorated with statues and other small things.

I visited two other Hindu temples which were in close proximity to each other. Their long names didn’t really say me much, but I had quite clear impression that one was Shaivaite with pantheon of Shiva and related characters like Parvati and Ganesha. But I don’t really know that much about them so I could recognize more from the other - Vaishnavist. Not only Rama and Krishna and related characters from the epics - Ramayana and Mahabharata - but also line of Vishnu avatara, starting from my favorite fish and turtle (I actually don’t know much about them, but idea of godly incarnation into fish and turtle works on my imagination and I would love to read full epics about them).

I went into the beach and there were more people than in the morning, but it was still from typical evening beach crowds. First I headed along the coast to northern direction looking for some attractions. I was thinking about Auroville and for some time I was moving in its direction, but then I decided that it’s too far on foot, at least for today and there’s no other interesting attractions on the way. Further I went from the town center, from so-called White Town, it became clear what except architecture distinguish it. Going further out of it streets became more blood veins like, typical for India, full of dead ends and sometimes to cross over something that on the map looks close. White Town in comparison has more grid-like plan, with streets laid down in such a way that it’s intuitive for me to reach somewhere by knowing general direction of destination.

After that I felt so tired and sleepy that I had to go back to stay to take a nap. However much I was saying before on this trip about sleep deficits, I never went for a nap during the day, even though I considered that once in Alappuzha, so it was first time. Sleep I got in the bus was clearly not enough.

I woke up and left the bed after around 1.5 h, I didn’t want to loose more time. I felt dizzy for a little bit, but it got better once I reached the beach. This time I headed for the south along the coast. Nothing was there in particular except other beaches, but it was what I wanted for the coming evening. When I entered neighborhood that looked more poor, two young woman called me while they were laying stretched in the tuk tuk. Between them little boy jumped on site excited. They asked about myself and also if I need anything. They wanted to invite me inside their house and give me food or tea. I was hesitant, but I said that I can come for tea only. The women were sisters and older one was mother of little boy. At the house were two sisters, little boy, women’s grandmother and husband of older sister, sleeping in one room. The younger one was speaking mostly, because her English was better, but I still felt we don’t understand each other completely, either because language or some social misunderstanding. Older one couldn’t say much in English, but she quickly started to tease me if I want to marry her sister (ah again, why it can’t be always that simple). I become flustered easily out of it, explaining that it can’t be that quick, but she become theatrically disappointed and left the house to do some chores. It wasn’t the case as with Mariah, but the younger one looked also very youthful so I asked her about her age. She was 26 years old, despite of looking much younger, but I already get used to the fact that they can look so surprisingly young. She said that she’s studying electronic communication, but she doesn’t plan to work after, but be householder. It felt quite sad for me, but I thought I shouldn’t judge, I can’t quite understand her life circumstances. What was surprising that they not only asked me if I want any food, but also if I need any money. That was very surprising, I tried to understand if there’s no some English confusion and if they ask about money from me, but apparently they were willing to give me. Of course, it was ridiculous and I vehemently refused, saying that they did enough for me already. I decided to go and said goodbye. Younger one felt sad and said I should visit them later too. I’m sorry that I didn’t note down their names, because it slipped through my mind, but I can note at least that I met them somewhere at the northern edge of Vambakeeparalayam neighborhood / district.

While I was going along the coast further south, I texted Susmitha, Tamil girl from Pondicherry that I met once at the bus to Warsaw. She was excited to see photos and relation from Pondicherry. She recommended me “Pondy Marina” which I actually just reached when she did it. It was restaurant area mixed with lunapark close to the beach. It was nice place, I ate something and looked around.

After a while I decided to return slowly and roundabout way to the hotel through main promenade. Some open concert was hailed there, probably as last parts of pongal festivities. I liked it and stayed for a while, listening and recognizing various songs. I returned to my hotel with certain amount of anxiousness. It was clocking to the time to return to Kerala and I didn’t have really a plan. Meeting with Tini seemed unlikely due to her exams in Trivandrum, but it put even meeting with her family and with Nicha under the question. Despite of this concern I knew that I need to carry with my trip and I planned to go to Mahabalipuram next day in the morning.

Day 30 (Saturday, 18.01.2025)

The main plan for the day was to go to Mahabalipuram to see rock monuments - temples and statues carved in living rock from the early middle ages. It’s in the middle between Pondicherry and Chennai - around 90 km, but I learned through Susmitha that there are often direct connections, because buses to Chennai are passing through Mahabalipuram.

I headed to the bus station and I decided to eat some idli along busy street just close to the station. Long day ahead of me and who knows how much time I will have for eating. But when I reached the station I saw that it’s completely empty, not used. It was either under construction or renovation, I couldn’t tell. I felt at loss, because I didn’t know how could I find the bus now. There were various buses stopping nearby, but it was more like bus stop, not bus stand (terminal) so it was unlikely that I would be so lucky. I didn’t know even who to ask, but then some guy greeted me and started to talk with me. He was Malayali, on vacation in Pondicherry. We exchanged Instagram and he recommended me various hiking places, already inviting to his place somewhere in Western Ghats. Despite my limited experience in hill stations, it’s clear from his words and his pictures in Instagram that proper mountain hiking is possible here in South India, but probably I would need more local help or more research in this area to properly find out how or even ask proper questions what I want out of mountain tourism. He also called his friend in Pondicherry and helped me with buses. There is new bus stand, until the one I saw will be finished, and I should google “New bus stand Pondicherry”. It worked and I said goodbye to head for my bus. I was quite frustrated with big road that I was going alongside with, because now I had to cross it. I’m here so long, but crossing the streets, especially these big ones, makes me anxious. I don’t know if I ever can get used to that.

It was easy to find correct bus in the bus stand and the travel to Mahabalipuram was over one hour long, but otherwise without anything notable. It wasn’t far to monuments from where the bus dropped me, but tuk tuk drivers was still looking for opportunities, but I was consistently ignoring them at this point.

I reached one park area where a lot of monuments could be found. At the ticket counter I saw information that buying ticket here would give me access to every other monument areas in Mahabalipuram. Ticket prices difference between Indian citizens and foreigners beaten all the records I saw here, including the ones in Kodaikanal. Indians pay only ₹40 and foreigners ₹600. In the end though the price wouldn’t seem oddly big for me if not the comparison, which probably proves the point that it’s affordable price for foreigners (although not every foreigner is equal and for some it could be big), but again it doesn’t give good impression, especially if it comes out of governmental institutions (in this case some archeological society).

I strolled around the park. It was full of big rocks and it was going up and down so it wasn’t readily apparent how far it stretches. Alleyways were nicely laid down and there were signs leading from monument to monument. Despite signs it took me long time wandering around before I started to get good grasp of topography of the park and where various monuments are relative to each other. Monuments here are carved in “living rock” as it’s called - meaning carved out of naturally standing rock. The first that I saw was relief of elephants and a little boy was playing with his toys in front of it, so it was hard for me to take a photo without catching him. The next one was a shrine and already at this point I gave up tedious idea of trying to photograph monuments when nobody blocks the view, because there were always many people posing to their own photos or just looking around. I was going around, finding shrines and temples with various figures in them. My general impression was of older provenience of sculptures than I saw elsewhere so far, but characters depicted had their own charm. Animals like elephants, monkeys, bulls, lions and mythological beings. Humans and gods in various situations - around thrones, battles or daily life perhaps. There were nothing explicitly sexual, but minimal clothes and alluring poses could bring certain sensual impression for modern observer. At least that was my own impression. One additional thought occurred to me while wandering around. Sellers in India have indomitable spirit, because whenever I went, up and down the hills and rocks, there were some sellers, laying down their products on the ground. Cheap plastic toys, drinks, snacks and fruits coated in masala.

Despite the fact that complex of monuments was open air, it felt labyrinthine in a way. When I was sure that I saw everything that there were to see in the park, I left it to see one big monument just outside. It was so-called Arjuna’s Penance or Descent of the Ganges. It was huge rock split in the middle with head-spinning crowd of characters, the most noticeable were elephants at the bottom right and nagas in the split in the middle. Just on its left was some temple that was apparently not completely finished inside. I bought there thin book about Mahabalipuram monuments. Normally I don’t feel like buying such locally published books, their quality can be lacking, but I liked it sketchy black and white illustrations.

I headed into direction of Pancha Rathas, but on the way I entered one part of park that I somehow missed and entered kind of tower, if it’s proper description. Big crowds made it slow climb and at the top I went around circular balcony. After returning to the road I again strayed from the path and entered Maritime Museum just close to lighthouse. It was museum depicting history of ships, but also, if not predominantly, technology of lighthouses. When I left it I started to feel that it slowly getting late and I still have a lot to see. Pancha Rathas were complex of five structures like temples plus other statues like elephant and lion standing in sandy field. After short time walking around it I headed back to the direction of the park from where I turned and went to Shore Temple. I started to be hungry, but I was slowly running out of time so I ignored it for the time being. Shore Temple was comparatively way bigger than any other monuments in Mahabalipuram, but it wasn’t as big as plenty of temples from further centuries that I saw everywhere during my travels. It wasn’t functional temple and its placement close to ocean waves beating the rocks gave me certain melancholic vibe. The area around Shore Temple apparently wasn’t accessible to sellers, but it didn’t deter them even a bit. Few ladies were standing behind metal bar fence at the shore rocks and selling their masala mangoes through online payments. It was quite amusing view.

After that I decided that time to return. Everything was closing soon either way. I was hungry, but I didn’t want to eat anything bigger there, because I wasn’t sure if later I will be able to catch some bus to Pondicherry. So I just grabbed some snacks. At the way I allowed myself to enter some modern temple, just to look around. Some older man approached me and asked if he could make photo of his daughter with me. The little girl was around 5 years old. She looked in the same time scarred of me and excited. He told me to hold her, but I wasn’t sure how I suppose to do that. She wasn’t baby to just carry her in arms and “the cradle” grab somehow felt inappropriate too. I grabbed her under her arms and hold high. It couldn’t be comfortable for her, but it was fortunately very short.

When I was returning to the bus stop I felt nagging anxiety slowly building up in me. For the next day I had Auroville to visit, but also I supposed to find transport back to Kerala. I didn’t know how to fit that into one day. I thought that maybe I should go for night bus as I arrived to Pondicherry, but I wasn’t able to pay online on my own. It will be the longest journey so far. But even more pressing and worrisome was the fact that my plans for last days in Kerala were under question. Tini had some exams in Trivandrum at the time so she couldn’t meet. Without meeting Tini, I couldn’t really meet Nicha either. Tini said previously that she’ll let me know if she’ll get any idea, but I knew that at this point I need to remind her.

I barely entered the bus, it was so crowded and I had to stand. I hoped to sit comfortably in order to deal with aforementioned issues during the travel. One girl said that she’ll be leaving at the next station and I could sit at her place. She was very insistent and protective that I should sit and nobody else. My life training was adjusted to leaving sit for elderly and other people potentially in greater need for that. But I was so tired and I worried about my problems so I allowed for my privilege to be thrown at me and I sat when she left.

I texted Tini with question if she have some ideas. She responded surprisingly quickly for her. Unfortunately she basically repeated what I already knew - that she’s busy with exams in different city and nothing really changed. I was constantly texting meanwhile with Nicha, consulting what to do and what to say. I felt despair and Nicha seemed in similar anguish, because it meant that we won’t meet, something we both waited and discussed for so long. Out of desperation I asked Nicha if I should ask Tini if it would be okay to meet with her family in Kollam without her. That kind of feedback loop felt necessary to step carefully around the problem. Maybe worth to note is that at no point I ever mentioned Nicha in particular, Tini didn’t either, but I felt unsaid implicit undercurrent was there. Tini said that it won’t be possible, because her family gathered for her wedding and either way they probably busy. That was like a hit, it didn’t feel exactly true. Part of her family maybe wasn’t there, but some chunk was in Kollam. I asked Nicha about that and she felt surprised with the response and she said that apparently Tini doesn’t approve of the idea. That was my impression, but hearing that interpretation from Nicha was like final confirmation that my plans to meet with her completely crumbled. However strange Tini’s response was, I didn’t really want to analyze and dwell into it. I latched into naked fact that my plans for meeting with Nicha decidedly fell apart.

Earlier I promised Nicha that I will let her read the diary after our meeting. I wanted to properly confess my feelings towards her in person, before she’ll read the diary and learn about that from it. Now it all became irrelevant under new circumstances. I thought that I can’t really wait for next meeting in unspecified future when I’ll return to India or anything like that. I decided that there’s nothing left than to confess her over text, however imperfect that felt. I started to circle around the topic, saying that she probably already know about all that, but I still want to tell it explicitly. And yet she claimed she has no idea what I mean. Finally I said it in concise, precisely thought out message. And then she rejected me. Physically I was sitting firmly at the bus seat, but I felt like everything around me fell apart. I couldn’t believe it. I was so sure that my feelings are reciprocated, like never before in my life.

My mind rewinded back in time, as if scanning all the memories related to her to adjust and fit them into new fact of rejection. I remembered our first meeting and our talk at the first day of the wedding, how it seemed we connected quickly. The way she was seeking me and keeping close to me. We were almost inseparable at the last day, despite of all the teases from the family. There were a lot of things that I interpreted as favorable signs. She touched my hair and made a lot of photos us together and leaned into me at them. It looked for me that she reacts favorably to all my so obvious flirting. But it wasn’t only during the wedding. We were in constant contact throughout my journey, she was always concerned and wanted to be updated. She was eager to spend long hours into the night to keep chatting with me, even after her return to regular working hours. We were fantasizing about our next meeting. It wasn’t insignificant in my mind that her family also seemed to interpreted us as being mutually attracted to each other. It’s impossible to list all things that I interpreted as favorable. No singular thing would be enough to gain conviction, but sheer amount of these small behaviors weighted heavily and I developed almost certainty that there are mutual feelings.

It wasn’t only these apparent signs that I looked through the memories. I recollected other things about her. The care she had for me, during the wedding and afterwards. Optimism and enthusiasm she had towards her work. Her grace and natural dancing skills. How funny her expression is when she’s tired. Her beauty and her irresistible smile. Her dreamy eyes. Let’s that be indication of attraction to that woman.

Whatever are usual emotions accompanying rejection, at first moment the emotion that completely submerged all the other was utter shock. I simply didn’t expect that at all. I was convinced that there are mutual feelings like never before in my life. Usually it is possible to see some signs that woman is not interested. If not before being rejected or realising on my own about lack of reciprocity, I could always notice at least retrospectively some signs that a woman didn’t feel the same about me. I couldn’t find anything like that from Nicha even now.

After return to Pondicherry I decided that I need to go to my stay first to ask for advices for transport back to Kerala. In a way, at least in this regard it made things easier. I didn’t really know how to go from Pondicherry to Kollam, something that looks like very unnatural route. But I could head directly to Kochi now. I asked the lady managing stay and I thought about going to Auroville next day morning and after that quickly take something to Kochi, but she suggested that there’s no need to hurry and I can stay one more day and start in the morning two days from now. She was also in a hurry and said that she can check options and say tomorrow. I was resigned and emotionally tired so I just pushed worries about travel for later.

I went to the promenade at the coast, exhausted and hungry, eating barely anything throughout the day. Nicha suddenly stopped responding until the end of the day since then. When I arrived there it was already dark. I felt completely broken down, but somehow, I was responding with the smiles and occasional chatter that became already inescapable fabric of my experience in India. Dark waves of the ocean beating over the rocky shore had somewhat calming effect, as I hoped, but it would be overstatement to say it helped a lot overall.

I went to eat something and at the time mom texted me, asking about the day. She wanted to be updated often, daily if possible, but she started to use texting more often to remind me, instead of calling. I was glad that she didn’t call, because I was sure that if she would hear my voice then she would realize immediately that something happened. I written her about visit to Mahabalipuram, but omitted everything related to broken heart.

I returned to my stay and I thought how unfortunate that such heartbreak happened at the only time when I wasn’t in a single room. Otherwise I would feel more comfortable to let out my emotions. Here, although dormitory room was dark and people seemed to sleep, I was bottling up my feelings and tried to go to sleep.

Day 31 (Sunday, 19.01.2025)

I woke up with awareness that sleep barely healed my wounded heart so far. It came out that Nicha went silent yesterday, because she dug deep into my diary and she stayed at night until she read it whole. She started to ask me questions when I was already sleeping. Since the morning we started to chat constantly during the day. I feel like our chat started to be more and more bizarre. Out of deep confusion and broken heart, I strained into weird topics with ocassional self-pitiful dark humor. In the light of yesterday’s confession it felt as if we weren’t sure how to relate to each other now. It was clear though that we both don’t want to stop or even slow down our contact.

I felt that I really don’t have to be in a hurry to Auroville, but I didn’t want to go too late either, so I decided to go eat something and only then headed to bus stand. It was hard to orient myself at this big bus stand and find bus to Auroville, but I knew that there suppose to be some bus to Auroville. Line of tuk tuk drivers wanted to give me a ride, but I didn’t want to hear about it. I couldn’t find anything to Auroville proper, but I jumped at a bus that was going to Auroville beach. When I was already at the bus I checked at the map and I realized that Auroville beach is quite a distance to Auroville as such. When I left at Auroville beach I couldn’t see any obvious transport to Auroville so I decided to just go there on foot.

On the map it looked like area under Auroville is quite vast, but when I crossed supposed borders as shown on map, there were no apparent signs on the ground. There were indirect signs of proximity to famous experimental community though. Buildings were sparse as standards for India go. There were ads for homestays and various “hippie” activities (for lack of a better term). There were signs discouraging from littering by cartoon Earth. I could feel certain difference, but the proper center of Auroville was still ahead of me.

Except occasional motorbike or car, I felt that I’m quite alone for once. There were no passersby, nobody around who would inevitably notice me. That’s quite rare in India for me and now I didn’t even had single room that would allow me to be alone for a little. So here, at the forest road leading to Auroville, I couldn’t kept inside my boiling emotions, they burst out of me. I sat at some tree and just wept a little. It didn’t take long, but I felt relieved to some degree. When I get myself together I thought that I need to fasten my pace, because there could be too little time to see Auroville center. At some point there were more building and some guy offered me to give me a lift on motorbike to visitors center and I take the offer.

Starting from tourist center I headed by forest route towards Matrimandir viewpoint. Matrimandir is golden globe building that serves as heart of Auroville and meditation center. The route was nice and well kept. In tourist center there were displays showcasing history of Auroville. Just after it I met old lady and her malayali friend that I met in Munnar. We both were nicely surprised, but we just talked a little and went into opposite directions. Farther along the route to Matrimandir I visited point of interests like arts gallery and animal art display. The viewpoint was quite far from Matrimandir in fact, separated from it by some big irrigation works. Matrimandir was closed at Sundays, but either way I didn’t make reservation for entrance. From Susmitha I knew that in order to enter I should make reservations at least few days before visiting Auroville. But I felt that my exact plans were in flux, I didn’t know if I would need to return to Kerala sooner etc. From hindsight I should make reservations either way. Everything I saw was nice, but I felt that I didn’t really have any glimpse into actual lives of Auroville, it felt remote. Entering Matrimandir perhaps would mitigate that feeling.

At viewpoint I had to sit and calm a little. This visit was like attempt to distract myself, but I couldn’t really forget that easily. It was paradoxical that the only person I felt comfortable with sharing at this time was the girl which was the cause of my emotional whirlwind. She seemed not to understand why I couldn’t get over with this just after one day. She couldn’t make it work that simply, but her desperate attempts to make me happy actually made me laugh at some point.

I decided that I had enough of observing Matrimandir from the distance so I started to return. I saw that something is happening at theatre hall and I entered it. I felt unsure if I can just enter like that, but apparently it was open event. I didn’t have network connection and I worried that Nicha can be worried, but I decided that it’s okay to vanish just a little. I think I entered just at the beginning. Group of girls has been making bharatanatyam dance show. I was confused and I couldn’t decide if it’s group of kid girls or if they are adult women with dwarfism. However bizarre that dilemma can seem, my mind couldn’t easily accept that little girls could wear such a heavy make up and be adorned with such intricate clothes and jewelry. But they were kids, I judged in the end. Clock was ticking and I wasn’t sure how I will return to Pondicherry at this time, but I was spellbound by performances. I realized that I never saw bharatanatyam in India so far, only on Indian events in Poland, so I was glad for stumbling into it. At the beginning girls were dancing together and this part was the most interesting for me. I tried to stay until the end and see all individual performances, but I decided to exit before the end.

After leaving I saw that there is big gathering outside. Whatever kind of event that was, they were distributing food for free. Even though I just decided that I need to return, I couldn’t really refuse free food, especially because I didn’t really eat much since the morning. Again I wasn’t sure if I can just get it, but nobody protested when I entered queue for food and get my portion. After eating I started to look for some transport to Pondicherry, but I was at loss there. In the dark forest road, it looked like I won’t have much luck, so I kept close to two white women, which were probably looking for transport too. But somehow a tuk tuk came and women talked with the driver, but apparently they weren’t convinced about something so they didn’t took it. It was the best option I could think about at the moment for myself, but I asked him about the price to Pondicherry beforehand either way. I was mildly satisfied so I took it.

After return to Pondicherry I went straight to promenade. I didn’t really want to say goodbye to Pondicherry quite yet, so I was going back and forth along the coast, trying to enjoy as much as I could. It was calmer than in previous days, especially when there were concerts, but it was fitting for me at that time. Eventually I had to return to bed, because I wake up early next day and long road ahead of me. I returned with heavy heart, because it was my last stop in a way, Kochi being just a return.

Day 32 (Monday, 20.01.2025)

Without any exaggeration, today was the biggest failure out of my whole trip to India. One mistake, one badly planned travel was enough for that. To say it shortly, I traveled by public buses, changing buses along every major city. Pondicherry - Viluppuram - Trichy - Coimbatore - Kochi. Overall above 17 hours. I woke up very early morning and arrived to Kochi after midnight. I had rough guide from which city go to which next, but without timetable. Why did I do something like that? Well, the main reason was that such plans so far worked out for me quite well during my trip. But they were travels on much shorter distances. Here I had to cross from eastern coast to western one. From opposite ends of two states.

Telling about my stops doesn’t give away how disastrous that travel was. From Viluppuram I taken wrong bus and I realized only at the first stop, so I had to return and take correct one to Trichy. It was actually first time such thing happened to me. Both in Trichy and Coimbatore buses didn’t stop at the main bus stand so I had to take city bus to reach main bus stands. In Coimbatore buses to Kerala had their own stand. It wasn’t far from main one, just across the street, but finding my way there was challenging, because I was very tired at this point. Additionally, I didn’t eat anything substantial for whole day, only some snacks I had stored. I was worried about my homestay, but fortunately I was returning to familiar place and they accommodated to me and prepared something for the night. Still, I didn’t want to make them troubled even more.

Somewhere along the way my friends texted and asked if I met Nicha already. I didn’t update them at all about last days, but being asked directly was tough. Despite of that, I decided to keep radio silence for a little longer. My emotional resolve just wasn’t there yet, while physical tiredness and worrying about reaching Kochi didn’t help.

When I boarded bus to Kerala I felt surge of weird feelings. There were nostalgia already, however strange it is to feel it for land that I traveled for half a month two weeks ago. But also creeping awareness that it indicated my coming return and finish of the trip. Crushed dreams of meeting Nicha also found their place among the mix of feelings. Returning to Kerala felt bittersweet, but at this moment I decided to focus on sweetness. Sits in Kerala buses maybe were more sturdy than the ones in Tamil Nadu, but they strangely gave me comfort. I couldn’t wait to see Kochi again. Nicha sent me video when she was returning tired by bus with her sleeping sisters, one of them laying her head on Nicha’s shoulder. This image felt like mirror to my own feelings, tired but weirdly pleased.

One observation worth mentioning. This time while approaching Kochi from the north I noticed few people sleeping on the ground. A view that wasn’t completely uncommon in Tamil Nadu, but I didn’t see it in Kerala before. That’s just good reminder not to make too hasty generalizations on limited experience.

When I arrived to Kochi I took tuk tuk into homestay, without strength to bargain, but still getting reasonable fair price. It was already very late, but even seeing glimpse of familiar places made me excited for the next day. When I saw Greenwood Bethlehem sign I really felt happy. Their worker (or at least I think he’s worker, not family) was waiting for me and shown me my room. Beautiful room, different this time, but I just was reminded why it was my favorite homestay. I decided that I can relax, first time in a long time I didn’t have to worry about plans for the next day so I could sleep soundly.

Day 33 (Tuesday, 21.01.2025)

After full day of travelling without food it was comforting to wake up in a beautiful place where breakfast is provided. This homestay is truly my favorite lodge among all I saw. Breakfast was nice and I tried to stuff myself, but somehow wasn’t able as much as I would expect after day of starvation. Later I had to manage formalities and payment, but it somehow felt cozy, because I was happy to see the lady of the house, drink tea and tell a little about my trip and the wedding. I thought that I wish my future wife could be as adorable old woman when she’ll get old.

This day truly felt like one big blur, it passed so quickly, but leisurely. I feel like I didn’t really do much, just stroll around Fort Kochi and Mattancherry. I found comfort in lack of hurry and warmth in literal heat of Kochi, toned down by nice breeze. It wasn’t as lively as when I was there for the first time. Back then it was festive season of coming Christmas and New Year, but now it was definitely out of season. I felt it’s fitting for my mood, more nostalgic and melancholic. Somewhere along the way I informed my friends about situation with Nicha, asking them not to comment, I didn’t want any advices, speculations and especially I didn’t want pity, because as I said to them, I pitied myself enough already.

Except revisiting familiar places I went to few I didn’t see before. Lady from homestay suggested Kashi Art Café. It was nice, quite hippy place with displays of modern art. I couldn’t help, but be amused when I saw that some girls came there to do photoshoots in front of toilet’s door. To be fair though, it was beautiful, as everything here. Café was full of greenery and it was partially open air. From more historical places I missed last time somehow was Mattancherry Palace so I went to see it. I remembered words of guide from Fort Kochi, she said that local rajas were humble in comparison to many other Indian rajas with their outlandish palaces. I liked wall paintings, which were so crowded that it was hard to discern what’s going on them without description. But I liked the most displays of female royal clothes, especially particular mundu set.

I didn’t want to make shopping for gifts today yet. I was too tired after travel of previous day. I simply wanted to enjoy my day lazily, but it meant that looking around bookstores was allowed, because books don’t drain me at all, quite the opposite. I started to think which books I would want to buy, but there were so many that I wanted. I knew that decision won’t be easy so I decided that I’ll buy only tomorrow, giving myself time to think and sleep it over. One particular bookstore caught my attention, because it had on one hand the same new books that I saw in bookstores for tourists, but also less typical books. I taken note of it to return here the next day.

There was one situation that cast a shadow to otherwise incredibly pleasant day. When I was going from the last bookstore i met one old guy who was working at some souvenir shop. He called me and started to chat. He wanted to get me to the shop to show me something. I didn’t want to buy anything, but he claimed that it’s not even his shop, that he’s from Kashmir and just works here. So I went inside and he shown me pictures of Kashmir, trying to encourage me to visit Kashmir someday. He said that he hosted many tourists at his place, showing me photo of himself with some German lady with mountains in the background. His friendliness at first didn’t feel out of place, but at some point I felt that something is off. He wanted to meet me again next day or even this night. I just wanted to leave, but I felt the safest option would be to give him my number and promise that I will come for sure. He hugged and lightly kissed side of my neck through hair while praising my hair. I wanted to just escape, he insisted for me to repeat promise to return tomorrow. I promised and promptly left deciding that I would need to avoid this street tomorrow. It was just such a brief and inconsequential moment, that it could be washed away, but while recounting it to others it became somehow worse and worse. I don’t know if I’m not making additional harm to myself by writing it down, but somehow it wouldn’t feel honest to omit that moment from the diary.

I returned to the beach and my thoughts redirected towards general love of this place. I could spend way more time here, just enjoying the beach. However emotionally draining the last days were, I calmed down and started slowly to accept the situation. My whole day here, visit to the beach especially, was the remainder of the first feelings upon arriving to India. It felt so contrasting now, just after one month. I remember vividly how I felt when I first time set foot on this beach. Awe, disbelief, excitement to see India, how everything seems strange despite my preparations. Now I was full of nostalgia and fuzzy warm feelings. I was glad that I had one more full day left and with that thought I returned to homestay to content sleep.

Day 34 (Wednesday, 22.01.2025)

This day felt like previous one in many aspects. At least first half of it. Blissful and warm. Until afternoon the time snapped so quickly that I honestly don’t know what I was doing except aimless wandering around. But then I became hungry and I realized that I still didn’t do any shopping and I don’t have that much time left. And I had to buy some gifts for others and books for myself. I was keeping in mind that I need to do this so I was mentally noting since yesterday where I should go and what I should look for, but I didn’t do any actual shopping yet.

I wanted to start with buying some clothes for my mom. I always struggled with clothes so I wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible, although I still wanted to buy something nice. I was looking around shops of Mattancherry, especially Jew Town. I did a lot of photos and tried to consult with Nicha, but I wasn’t convinced into anything in particular. I almost convinced myself into buying blue-white churidar set, but Nicha told me about sale in some regular brand chain. It was tempting to check it, because I knew that it will be cheaper to buy in place where Indians regularly shop, instead of tourist places, but on the other hand I wasn’t sure if I’ll find something I was looking for. The closest one was on the other island, but just after the bridge so I decided that I have time to visit at least this one.

When I tried to catch some bus, suddenly someone going on motorbike from behind (that’s actually important detail) called me and stopped next to me. He was excited and said “wait, wait, wait” while scrolling quickly through his phone. I waited confused like that for a bit, but I didn’t want to interrupt him. Finally he found what he was looking for and shown me video of me [[Day 4 (Monday, 23.12.2024)|dancing at the street]] of Fort Kochi just before Christmas time. He asked if that’s me and I confirmed. He said that he did this video, after I asked him about that. I just hoped that video of me dancing didn’t go viral. Seeing myself dancing always feels very awkward. It was funny in a way that he was able to recognize me after a month from behind while riding motorbike, I must be quite recognizable.

I decided that now I don’t have much time to spare so I preferred to spend little bit more money and called tuk tuk instead of looking for correct bus. The shop looked familiar, like every brand shop in Poland almost, but it was very cheap for my standards, much more cheaper than in tourist alleyways. I chose some long kurta-like dress that I liked and really thought that my mom will like it. I decided to eat there before returning to Fort Kochi / Mattancherry. It was very nice masala dosa. I thought how masala dosa remained my favorite Indian meal and it is my last one during this trip.

After return to historical districts I felt at a loss what to buy for my dad, especially because I bought kurta for mom, so I thought that I should buy something at least partially equivalent. But my father feels like hard nut to crack with such things like gifts. I opted for buying few souvenir magnets for refrigerator and bunch of sweets. Even more sweets for kids. I already bought bunch of stuff during first day so I decided that it will be enough. It had to be enough.

Finally I could focus on books. It was already quite late and I could manage only one bookstore, but I knew which one to choose and fortunately it was still open. When I went there I started to look around and I got into paralysis almost. Whenever some book caught my attention I started to look up reviews of it over my phone and torment myself with overthinking. Bookseller lady at some point, with mild annoyance, that it’s forbidden to check a phone in bookstore. There was even sign with this rule written down, but my mind didn’t register it. It seemed weird at first, but it was actually liberating. I could just go along my intuition and feelings, allowing myself to discover something surprising. I knew that I had to limit myself somehow, because otherwise I won’t have space to pack them. My rule was that the books I’ll buy suppose to be related to places I saw, or rather generally to Kerala and Tamil Nadu. I actually broke that rule only once, but I feel justified so, it was anthology of “Anti-caste science fiction”. Science fiction from India is rare as it is and additionally anthology’s theme was intriguing. I chose some books that I was already interested in, but I also asked about opinion the bookseller. Because I was in Kochi most books I bought were Kerala or malayali related, but I also bought one big book with the title “Tamils” literally. One book novel was set in Kanyakumari, although written by malayali. I wanted to buy one specific book with “Madurai” in the title, but it was just out of stock right now. Overall I bought 11 books there and additionally 2 translations of Tirukkural back in Madurai. I returned quickly to my room just to drop the books. Funny situation ensued, because I told Nicha that I’m thinking about leaving some of my clothes to make space for books and she was horrified. How could I leave clothes for mere books? Well, for me it was the opposite, it were clothes that were just clothes.

At the beach, when I was dipping my feet into the ocean, it really dawned at me that this it is, that’s the end of my beautiful trip. Somehow I felt very calm. Night atmosphere out of season only solidified serenity in my heart. I didn’t want to return, but I made my peace with the end of the trip, with the heartbreak, I was really content. I knew that it’s not forever farewell. I texted Tini, thanked her for inviting me once again and saying my last goodbye. Similarly I texted with Nicha, although with her I was in constant contact either way. However silly that was, because I was already in contact with them only online for a long time now, but I felt it’s fitting. While I was making my goodbye to Kerala and India, I had to say it through them. However much people I met here, these two girls felt really like my anchors.

I elongated my farewell as much as I could, dipped my feet last time in the ocean and then returned to homestay to finish packing.

Day 35 (Thursday, 23.01.2025)

I covered [[Day 0 (Thursday, 19.12.2024)|Day 0]], because I already started traveling, but I didn’t count it as proper first day, because I wasn’t traveling in India yet. Same way I count this day, despite being here only for few last hours.

l decide not to sleep, because my flight was 3:40 and I had to be sufficiently earlier at the airport. That’s why I didn’t bother to leave early from the beach. Packing was a little bit challenging, with all these books now. As I thought earlier, I left my chappati, my hoodie and some other smaller clothes. However some fashionistas could be outraged, books were more important for me than old weary clothes. I wouldn’t manage otherwise.

At the appointed time I went to the taxi. Road to the airport was quite long and although I knew about it now, it was hard for me to process due to Warsaw airports being basically in Warsaw, which probably is not the standard. I was passively looking outside, my mind already past the point of acceptance.